Professional golfer and renowned dipper Jason Dufner and his smokin’ hot wife Amanda have chosen to end their marriage after just three years. According to court documents obtained by Golf Channel, Amanda will receive a gross sum of $2.5 million in the divorce:
According to the divorce settlement, which was filed on March 16 by Amanda Dufner, there had been an “irretrievable breakdown of the marriage” and there was “a complete incompatibility of temperament that the parties can no longer live together.”
Amanda Dufner will receive a gross sum of $2.5 million, and Jason Dufner will maintain ownership of two houses in Auburn, Ala., including one that is under construction on a 46-acre lot.
The divorce was filed in Jefferson (Ala.) County and a judge still has to make a final ruling, which is expected in April.
That’s roughly 500,000 cans of delicious chewing tobacco that Amanda will be walking away with. (I assume that’s how Dufner quantifies dollar amounts.)
The real shame here, though, is that golf’s favorite couple is no more. So what happened?
Rumors of infidelity on Amanda’s part, possibly with notorious lothario Dustin Johnson, have been swirling, but we won’t address those here, because we don’t acknowledge unsubstantiated claims at this respected journalistic establishment. However, I will pose my own theory as to why the marriage went awry based on entire minutes of deep thought and disturbingly gleeful chuckling.
Bear with me.
Is it possible that Amanda Dufner broke her marriage vows because her husband lost weight and became skinny and she has a fat fetish? Is the soon to be former Mrs. Dufner a chubby chaser?
Jason and Amanda have long been a fan favorite, most likely because Amanda is a dime and Dufner was a chubby yet lovable doofus. They were the Homer and Marge of golf. The Peter and Louis. The Barney and Betty. That is until Jason went all Jared from Subway on us and lost his world class dad body.
Here’s @JasonDufner‘s new look…. “@thepyrexkid: @StephanieWei can we get some visual evidence ?!” pic.twitter.com/EwPplqCXwR — Stephanie Wei (@StephanieWei) February 24, 2015
Look at that skinny son of a bitch. Maybe Amanda likes a little more cushion for the pushin’, as they say, and Jason no longer had the coin to get her jukebox playing. Maybe she needs more man to get her juices flowing. Once his total lack of neck definition and amorphous form checked out, perhaps her vagina did as well.
“Irretrievable breakdown of the marriage” could easily be seen to mean “potentially irretrievable loss of body weight.”
“A complete incompatibility of temperament that the parties can no longer live together” could easily be seen to mean “complete incompatibility of physical shape that the party with a fat fetish could no longer live with.”
The court documents drew the dots, folks — I’m just connecting them.
Alas, today we say goodbye to one of golf’s most lovable couples. They had it all. The total package. Every aspect of the American dream realized. A fat man that loves nothing more than throwing in a horseshoe dip and whacking the hell out of a little white ball with a wife that’s way out of his league and a body that just won’t quit.
Here’s to hoping Dufner is currently pounding a large stuffed-crust meat lover’s pizza and a sixer of Bud heavy in an attempt to get his bride back..
NOTE: Amanda has deleted her Instagram account since news of the divorce broke, otherwise this column would be comprised entirely of photos of her. Just Google her name.
[via Golf Channel]