From My Mother

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My father handed me my first beer and told me “don’t tell your mother.” He taught me how to throw a ball, and shoot a gun. He gave me half the clothes in my closet and taught me how to tie a tie. I know that the only time it is acceptable to wear cargo shorts is if you are serving the country, because of my father.

But as much as my father taught me, I am, and forever will be, my mother’s son. My father was always there for me. But this is America, and he worked a lot. He ran his own company and was busy, leaving my mother to take care of the house.

My father taught me how to be a man. My mother taught me to be a gentleman. There is an important distinguishing factor between the two that all well bred individuals understand. It goes beyond holding a door open for a woman, or knowing whether it is appropriate to rip or cut your bread at the dinner table.

It is because of my mother that I am a gentleman. My mother dressed me. She taught me how to tie my shoes and drove me to school every day. In those car rides she taught me about the world. Some days she would have a conversation about the Bible with me. Other times, she explained the concept of America to me and why we vote the way that we do. This was all before I knew my multiplication tables.

She talked to me about behavior and manners. Children who grew up in less fortunate situations than myself miss these lessons, unfortunately. They get thrown in the car seat and told to “behave themselves” while they are sitting there wailing. My mother never did that. She explained to me why it was inappropriate to interrupt her in the middle of a conversation at the grocery store, regardless of how much I thought I wanted some cereal. She told me the proper ways to insert myself into a conversation and for which reasons I was to do so.

These lessons progressed as I got older. I learned table manners, appropriate conversation topics, etc. as well as tricks to keep me from staring at Miss Kathy’s giant mole. These same tricks proved very useful to avoid getting caught by girls, while trying to figure out what was hidden under their training bras.

Ever since I turned 14, if it was just the two of us and my sisters at a restaurant, I was responsible for picking up the check. I had my father’s card, but it was my job to sign the bill whenever he was not around.

My father and mother both had conversations about women with me. My father taught me the importance of contraception and how only losers use pick-up lines. My mother taught me how to be charming, not overbearing, and all the little things that make a huge difference.

I have always and will always make a concerted effort to avoid using profanity in the company of a lady. I know what side of the road to walk on, and how if her pupils dilate a certain way, that she wants me to kiss her.

With all of these lessons from my mother, I am still a fraternity man. I still very much enjoy things like making fun of my pledge brother for bringing home a whale. I drink in a way that would make my grandfather proud. I bring home random girls home from the bar on a regular basis. However, the difference between myself and the average douche bag, is that I always know her name. Not because I necessarily ever want to see her again, but because I am hard wired to never forget a name. I am always honest with my intentions and avoid sharing every last detail with the entire student population. Of course, if something particularly amusing or strange happened, it will be discussed later in the house. The difference between the majority of my fraternity brothers and the average college student, is that we are gentlemen and know how to behave. For that, we all have our mothers to thank.

***

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  1. 33
    1834

    So now everyone knows the difference between Southern gentlemen and the rest of the population

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 11
      FRATTYBOY

      ^^ Still dont get why people from the south think they are better than the rest of the country. The south lost the war. NF.. Pussy hicks

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 9
      Old number 151

      ^ both sides need to stop. The south needs to stop acting like it is so much better but the north needs to stop bringing up the civil war, it’s getting annoying. I’m from the north and believe me I love it, but it has it’s flaws. That being said, I also love going down south but, like the north, it has several downsides. Bottom line, shut up this is America.

      If my grammar or spelling is bad I apologize, I’m writing this on my phone when I should be working.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 8
      Mashholder Stu

      ^We have higher taxes because we have better educational institutions, thus giving our children the resources to become more affluent and better then you. When you don’t live in a trailer, sometimes paying an extra .4% on your taxes so the elementary school down the street can have better textbooks isn’t that big of a deal. Southerners are one track minded individuals, who have it in their heads that their lifestyle is superior because thats what they tell each other down in the south-but its only the people in the south who think that way, while the rest of the Country continues to laugh at them.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
      • 1
        Fratmandu

        No, we pay lower taxes because anyone who desires to be, or more likely continue to be, “affluent” will go to a private school. Public schools down here are shitholes, but considering anyone who matters doesn’t attend them, chances are we’re getting a similar/better education than you.

        ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 8
      Jerry Fratdusky

      Mashholder, please never again talk about the military ever again. The northeast has the smallest amount of military bases per region in the US, and northerners as a group serve our country the least, most likely because they have no patriotism (except NYC for a few months after 9/11).

      You also bring up SEAL Team 6 and Delta Force Rangers? First off, Rangers are very different from Delta Force, and both of those groups are mostly located in North Carolina at Fort Bragg. And SEAL teams are located in either Virginia or the west coast.

      Please hold your breath in a tub full of bleach.

      PS, the South never lost. We got state government structures that we wanted. If the South would have fought any more the country would have been obliterated thus giving the Europeans a chance to come here and recolonize us, which would have brought the US a period of war similar to China’s Warring States Period.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 8
      BAKED since 1869

      This continuous North/South debate on TFM is retarded and is leading absolutely nowhere. We are America and we stand as ONE. Get over yourselves and shut the fuck up already.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
      • 4
        truenorthfratdaddy

        ^well said. Look what you started 1834. And while I’m not denying that the South provides more men to the military than the rest of the nation, I would like to submit for the consideration of everyone that the state with the most per capita losses in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan is actually little old Vermont. Only saying this to support baked’s assertion, not to continue this inanity of an argument. Also baked, A-B brother.

        ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 8
      The Big LeFratski

      ^Do you not fucking get it Stu? It’s not about being from the North or the Soiuth. It’s about having CLASS. Something you lack right now.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 8
      FratTilYouDie

      You guys are right. The south would win, right up until the point where they’re expected to turn their guns on fellow Americans. Do you seriously think that north and south matters that much. You’re posing a hypothetical where US troops kill each other. If you hate someone that much because of geography, you have some serious problems.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 7
      rockytop1

      Ya’ll enjoy your unions, high taxes, cold weather, and democrats liberals. We shall be just fine in right to work country, God bless the south.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 7
      Mashholder Stu

      ^The South doesn’t have the resources to rise again. Hypothetically speaking, if this Country were to split in two, which side do you think Washington DC would take? Ya know, Washington DC, the part of the Country that controls the military and acts as a nucleus to Americas armed forces- I would have to say that they would go with the North, just like they had before- and that would leave the South with well…nothing. You keep talkin all the shit about the South rising again, I hope they try to, just so we can kick the shit out of them just like we did before.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
      • 6
        FratOnBro

        Actually, a high percentage of marines or any other soldier prefer the south, simply because our women are prettier, our weather is better, and our morals are more correct, so I’d say they’d say fuck D.C and join the south. That being said, I don’t anticipate another civil war, but that’d be amazing to win one.

        ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
      • 6
        Fratmandu

        If the south seceded now, the liberal yankees wouldn’t have the balls to declare war and bring us back.

        ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
        • 8
          RushFratbaugh

          I think its the North that will want to leave the South this time. The fed essentially redistributes tax dollars from rich Northern States to Southern States. The North subsidizes the South since they get more funding then they pay into the federal government. So the South is actually being propped up by federal socialism. As much as you all hate to admit it, the South relies on the North. It is true that the South has a greater military presence, but what would that look like if the North’s tax dollars for military funding disappeared?

          ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 7
      Mashholder Stu

      ^I am from the North and can say that I literally never known anyone who has gone to college in the south-why? Because we all know that their educational institutions are inferior. As far as us enjoying more expensive “things,” that is not true, and I assume you are talking about the slight increase in taxes we pay- we simply understand the sacrifices we need to make to make our part of the Country better- its called stepping up, its called patriotism. And yes, ignorance is bliss, especially in the southerners argument, when they declare that their part of the country is superior, superior in what? You lost the war, and your education system is horrible. You have the highest illiteracy rates in the Country, and there is absolutely no state land because of your refusal to pay taxes. You are ignorant, and the fact that someone gave you a keyboard to type on is damn shame.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 7
      Jerry Fratdusky

      Family Tradition has a point, but the North would probably do what they did during the civil war and hand immigrants guns telling them to kill southerners. Most northern soldiers were fresh off the boat. They weren’t Americans. They were told if you killed southerners you’d get their land. Very honorable…

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 7
      Mashholder Stu

      ^^^^ This ones for you Fratdusky, since you continue to correct me on a spelling error, and thats all you seem to be able to do, I will show you why your argument is yet again fallible- *delta force, rangers. Personally, I never thought you were that funny, I imagine you sitting in a basement somewhere taking at least 15 minutes to think of a response to a comment about little boys, because you in fact, cannot pull even the trifest of girls. To the rest of the southern gents, no-one wants to adopt the lifestyle of “being southern,” and to force it on someone is well, communist. I don’t know if you know this, but being from the south does not mean you can identify with those that died for our country just because you knew them in high school. You have just about as military experience as the next guy, and demonstrably, have showed just as much love for America as the next guy, stop acting like your rambo the great lover of America, and stop riding their coat tails.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
      • 4

        Fuck you. I know about the military because my brother was killed in Afghanistan 2 years ago.

        ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 7
      RisingFratstarOfTX

      The south would clearly have the advantage.
      1. Most of the top ten largest cities in the country reside in the south, 3 of them in Texas alone.
      2. Texas gives a huge advantage militarily. San Antonio is surrounded by military bases.
      3. The south has a huge majority of natural resources.
      So in summation, we have the people, power, and resources for it to be a fair fight.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 7
      Jon M Fratsman

      ^^^ …Sort of. The State of Franklin was a proto-Tennessee, an early but advanced attempt to form a new state due to settlers’ differences with the NC legislature. It was only made up of about 8 to 10 counties in the far northeastern corner of the state though. Existed from 1784-88 before it and the rest of TN was ceded to Congress in the Southwest Territory and split up into states.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 7
      Khal Brogo

      Interesting. I looked it up and was gonna say something interesting I found out about the secessionist movement but I realized it would probably start this whole conversation over again…

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 7
      southerner

      Masholder: The North has more firepower!? Seriously…?! I poked around the internet for 15 minutes and came up with these. All suppliers to the military.

      Remington: Madison, NC
      Bushmaster: Madison, NC
      Advanced Armament Corp (AAC): Lawrenceville, GA
      Daniel Defense: Black Creek, GA
      McAlester Ammunition Plant: McAlester, OK
      Newport News Shipbuilding (Aircraft Carriers): Newport News, VA

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 8 months ago
    • 6
      Mashholder Stu

      ^Fratdusky, you must be forgetting about the arsenal of weapons the north would have besides soldiers. You guys can have your less then intelligent soldiers sure, but we’ll keep the raptors, drones, and aircraft carriers that will carry the jets that will blow your part of the country to pieces. You have to understand, that the North controls the military, and all of Americas resources. You must also realize, that the soldiers you speak of are dedicated to their country, not the South. They would follow the orders of the higher ups in the military. The south has absolutely no organization and no resources. They would be obliterated, just like your argument.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
      • 5
        FratOnBro

        I’d love to hear you call any of our soldiers “less than intelligent” to their face, because I’m 100% sire that they would demolish you. If we fought a war like we did back then, the South would easily win.

        ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 6
      Mashholder Stu

      ^^^^So fratdusky, your telling me that you expect these soldiers from the south, just to put down their weapons after fighting for Northern leaders and being under Northern control for over 100 years? The nucleus of the american military is located in the North, they would have absolutely no organization and would get mauled down like african tribal soldiers going up against American tanks. What base would they be fighting for? All of the Southern bases are under northern control. And if it isn’t a surprise to you, most recruits fighting in todays military tend to not be the brightest bulbs in the bunch, and join the military as a last resort- hence why most military bases and recruiting stations are located in low-income areas. So please, take your southern recruits, meanwhile, the North will have the rest of the high caliber part of the military, getting prepared to crush you.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 6
      JParksCaldwell1855

      Do you really want to bring attire into this? Because we’ll keep the Ralph, Sperry, Brooks Bros, Vineyard Vines, Cole Haan, New Balance, and just about every other brand you can name.

      From the Midwest, family’s from the South, and this is fucking stupid.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 6
      Hoosier Fratter

      I truly hope to God none of you seriously wish war upon the US between the North and South. If so, you’re more brain-dead than one of Osama’s various whores.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 6
      Mashholder Stu

      Shooter, do you realize that when everyone is asked to imitate a stupid person they do a southern accent? Can you even read what I’m typing right now?

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 6
      JamesTBraxton III

      Fratdusky, the majority of Delta Force were Rangers. Over 70% of Delta Force started out in the 75th Ranger Regiment. Calling them Rangers isn’t that far off.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 6
      A_B

      It doesn’t matter where you were born, where you were raised, but HOW you were raised. I was born and raised in California, by parents who lived their lives in the Soviet Union (before my country of origin declared its independance) and moved to the US because they were fed up with that crap. I was raised with strong morals and a love for the country my family came from and and the country I live in from both parents and being from California, or anywhere else in the US had nothing to do with it. Calling someone NF because of where they’re from. NF

      Also, BAKED since 1869 and truenorthfratdaddy A-B brothers

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 7 months ago
      • 8
        YeahJeets

        “It’s not where, it’s how you’re raised.”

        If you can’t appreciate that, you’re probably not the gentleman you claim to be.

        ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 months ago
      • 6
        YeahJeets

        “It’s not where, it’s how you’re raised.”

        If you can’t appreciate that, you’re probably not the gentleman you claim to be.

        ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 months ago
    • 5

      ^^This. Regardless, we all love our mothers, and this is a very impressive column for tfm.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 5
      Family Tradition

      you do know that most of the men in the military come from the South, right? they would most likely stay with their home states just they did in the Civil War. that would mean we would have the larger military this time

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 5
      Jon M Fratsman

      First of all, Stu, I really fucking hate you, because you do nothing but post retarded shit on TFM that you know will piss people off. Secondly, this “The South will rise again” thing. Do none of you understand how retarded this whole argument is? It’s not about the South literally “rising up” and re-seceding from the United States of America, the greatest country ever to grace the face of God’s green earth. It’s about the Southern ideals of gentility, hospitality, and class that we hold near and dear spreading across the land and inspiring people to hold themselves to the higher standard that is our heritage. Do I love and respect my Southern roots and live by my Southern upbringing? You’d better believe it. Am I a proud American? Damn straight.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 5
      BulldogofBergen

      How the hell did we go from Mothers Day, to Civil War Part II, to the North vs South dress style, to questioning one’s patriotism? This is the basis of this entire website.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 4
      howboutit

      Too bad the yanks still act like they listen to country and wear all the Southern brands, claim superiority now, but deep down you know the South kicks yank ass in the attire, attitude, music, food, and especially greek departments. Now buy some more Southern Proper online with mommy’s credit card, and let it sink in that you will never be a Southerner, and in turn, never be the superior gentleman.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 4
      ice cold frat

      If you’re seriously participating in a north vs. south debate in terms of how a modern conflict might pan out, then wow. The whole north vs. south debate is fucking stupid anyway. There’s a bunch of shit-heads in both regions and a few not shit-heads in both regions. In case you’re wondering, you’re all shit-heads.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 3
      rockytop1

      If your schools are so great, then why do all the yanks come down South for college? I understand it’s less expensive but I thought ya’ll enjoy that sort of thing. The notion that everyone in the South lives in a trailer is garbage. It also comes to mind how many of you carpetbaggers make your way down here to escape your “system.” Ignorance is bliss in this argument, we are just patriotic in our heritage and don’t trash what the god lord gave us.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 3
      Mashholder Stu

      ^^Yeah, you can have the veterans in texas, we’ll see how they fare against seal team 6 and delta force rangers, who are employed and answer to the higher ups in Washington DC.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 2
      Jerry Fratdusky

      Mash, please tell me where. What bases are these? The most superior soldiers the world has seen are based out of USSOCOM, JSOC, etc are all based in the south. So I don’t know who the less than* intelligent soldiers you’re talking about are. Now I realize you’re just trolling since you know nothing about the military.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 2
      ShooterMcGavin

      Seriously guys, why can’t we all just get along? ….

      Just kidding. Let’s be honest here, Northerners all sound like a bunch of queers when they talk. The worst accents in America come from the North. And since this website is about fraternities, I’ll make this point- Southern greek life is far superior to Northern greek life. Its not even close, really. Northerners can argue that they have the best educational institutions. Sure, there are some great schools there, but I would rather put my wiener in a meat grinder than live amongst all of you scarf-wearing, gay-supporting, fudge packers.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  2. 10
    Success

    I truly enjoyed this article up to the very last sentence. Please ake the apostrophe out of “mothers” dammit.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago

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