A screenshot of a Facebook post (presumably intended to remain in a private group) bounced around Florida State University’s Yik Yak before lodging itself in our photo submissions, courtesy of a tipster named FSUfratgirl. In the first paragraph of the tirade (if anyone snapped the rest, feel free to send it our way), a distraught Delta Gamma goes ape shit on her sisters for planning to ditch the function she organized to go to a Riff Raff concert instead. She says that anyone who doesn’t go to her function – a date party with Delta Tau Delta – will be banned from events for the rest of the year. She also warns that if they ruin relations with the mega hotties in Delt, the sorority will be stuck with “ugly ass guys” for, like, ever.
First off, I’d like to point out the blatant objectification of the male gender in her reckless and offensive email: “ugly ass guys.” I guess looks are all we’re good for, huh? These shallow, misandrist sorority girls just want to lure unsuspecting frat guys into their RAPE FUNCTIONS so they can get us all doped up on shag dancing and small-talk, then drag us into bed and have their ways with us.
Second, Delta Gamma at FSU was hand-picked by our readers to be the hottest sorority in the nation. Fun fact.
Third, Riff Raff is the voice of our retarded, twerking, brand-obsessed generation. Telling people to skip him is like telling college kids in the ’60s to skip The Beatles.
BUT NOBODY FREAK OUT I HAVE A SOLUTION. What every girl needs to do is go to the function, make an appearance, hug some over exaggerated hugs with the girls who actually care about the event because they’re on exec and they have a false sense of entitlement, then make your escape. It’s a win-win. But you have to be quiet about your exit. You have to be TiP TOE WiNG iN UR KATE SPADEZ.