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FSU’s Unofficial Mascot Is A Porn Star, Which Somehow Isn’t Surprising

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In “well, I just kind of assumed that was the case” news, Florida State has a porn star. No, not enrolled as a student–I’m sure there are hundreds of those. No, I mean the FSU fan base over the last season or so has been lifting up a woman named Mia Khalifa to be the “Queen of FSU” and their “unofficial mascot.” She’s not just some chick who gets naked on the internet, either. Ms. Khalifa has done work for Bang Bros. Bang Bros!

I mean, I guess if your quarterback can’t stay out of trouble and your fan base can’t stay out of jorts, you might as well pick someone to represent you solely for her cup size, right? “But we don’t wear jorts, that’s all Florida fans!” Wrong. You live in Florida. You all wear jorts to me.

But I digress. The Seminoles are only three-point favorites against the ‘Canes this weekend, so FSU fans have been doing their best to fuck with Miami fans under the auspices of #MiamiHateWeek. Ms. Khalifa herself got in on the action by almost bamboozling Miami tight end Stan Dobard into saying “ ‘Noles do it better.”

But y’all aren’t here for news, you’re here because you read “porn star” and you have no self-control. Don’t worry, we’re not falling down on the job.

She seems like a delightful lady.

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Sterling Cooper

Sterling Cooper is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems. He has never understood why people like sand, and has been in a bitter ten year rivalry with Muggsy Bogues, for reasons neither of them choose to reveal.

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