Funniest Girl Alive Sues Johnny Manziel For Sexual Harassment, Says He Has A Tiny Dick (And Much More)

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Nice Move

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The following tweet hit the web this morning.


The plaintiff’s name is Samantha Schacher, and if you believe everything she claims in this lawsuit, then Johnny Manziel is guilty of the following:

    • perpetually and egregiously harassing Ms. Schacher while at Texas A&M
    • having a 4.5-inch dick, which he is very proud of
    • sending Ms. Schacher numerous photos of his dick
    • sending Ms. Schacher a photo of his dick placed inside a hot dog bun and calling it a Vienna sausage
    • sending Ms. Schacher a photo of his erect dick next to a ruler, showing a measurement of 4.5 inches with the caption “You know you want me, Samantha”
    • wanting to have a threesome with Dr. Drew.
    • admitting to taking steroids and lifting weights
    • possessing and sharing a photo of Jadeveon Clowney’s 9-inch penis, and referring to it as a “monster”
    • smoking pot in the locker room before games while Skyping with Ms. Schacher
    • receiving inappropriate benefits from the A&M coaching staff
    • cheating on college exams
    • trying to convince Ms. Schacher to strip for him and Lebron at Lebron’s “crib”
    • wanting to get penis enlargement surgery so he can be Ms. Schacher’s “Long John Silver”

Samantha Schacher seeks $25,000,000 in punitive damages and a restraining order against Manziel. It’s all in the below document, which has officially been filed with the United States District Court.

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Look, the bitch is crazy, right? Or maybe she’s a hilarious genius that played this thing perfectly–making the claims so outrageous that no one believes them, yet so funny that everyone reads them anyway. You can’t deny she’s got talent. A threesome with Dr. Fucking Drew? That’s gold.

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