Game Day Celebration Recap: Shoving Security Guards And Shots On The 50

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There was, undoubtedly, no bigger celebration in the country this past Saturday than the one in Auburn, Alabama. The small Alabama town might be located in the Bible belt, but even the second coming of Christ wouldn’t elicit a celebration quite like the one that began as soon as the Iron Bowl ended with one of the great miracles in American sports history. That play to end the game was like if Bill Buckner and The Miracle on Ice got drunk and made a baby. And, if we’re being honest, that field goal return was probably a more impressive miracle than Jesus floating back down to Earth from Heaven. Plus, defeating the devil is basically just as good as meeting God, so there’s that.

I put out a call to Auburn fans to send me their celebration stories. Mostly, however, you all failed miserably at responding. I’ll chalk it up to the fact that y’all killed so many brain cells that you forgot how to write. For that, I do not blame you. Were it me in your shoes, my Monday BAC would still be higher than my team’s final score, and I’d be writing this story in crayon…on my computer screen.

One reader, however, was nice to send in their game day story straight outta Auburn, and it amused me, so I figured I would share:

I saw your tweet and wanted to tell you mine. After we won the Iron Bowl, we were trying to push down through Greek seating to get on the field. One of the brothers and I were some of the first down there. A security guard tried closing the gate on us, but, with the guy I was with having been an all star hockey player all four years of college, he lowered his shoulder and stunned the security guard. After that I pushed the security guard into the briar bushes surrounding the field and yelled, “No one is stopping us.” About 5 minutes later I was taking a shot of Jack Daniels on the 50 yard line. Easily the best memory out of my 4 years in college.

War Eagle!

Those are all kinds of bold moves, and I respect the sick bastards who pulled it off. Granted, shoving your home security guard into some shrubs seems like a really unnecessarily aggressive way to celebrate, but the look on that terrified, middle-aged face as a drunk college kid screamed, “NO ONE IS STOPPING US,” like a berserking Viking with dead, glassy eyes had to be priceless. Remember kids, the right to violent self defense is valid if someone is attacking your right to party.

I would ask where the Jack came from, but as we already know, it apparently wasn’t too hard to get booze into Jordan-Hare Stadium. The more important question is, given the picture of the crowd above, how did you even have room to move your hand to your mouth?

Jordan-Hare concession stands > your concession stands.

Jordan-Hare concession stands > your concession stands.

God I love college football.

***

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Bacon

Bacon is Director of Video Content and a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. His fake best-selling novel series, The Frat Romance Novel, has been self-described as a "pioneering achievement in satirical erotica." Bacon is originally from St. Louis, and currently lives in Austin, Texas. He still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living, and is prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co

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  1. 35
    War Cam Eagle

    After the game every single student rushed the field, including those who didn’t have tickets are we’re tailgating in the green space outside the stadium. I saw countless people chugging beers and taking shots, and rightfully so. Anyone with half a brain knows that we had just witnessed the best ending to a college football game in the history of the sport.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 9 months ago
  2. 20
    Him

    The security guard was a Bama fan that was being heckled by the Greek section for the entirety of the game. People were fighting to take shots at him

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 9 months ago
  3. 12
    warfuckingdrink

    My roommate also shoved over a security guard. I’m guessing they were all Bama fans because no self respecting Auburn fan would try to stop a field storming after a win like that…hahahahahahaha man that must have been a terrible night for them…losing the iron bowl, and then immediately getting trampled by a stampede of roaring Tigers….War Damn Eagle!!!!

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 9 months ago
  4. 1
    thebetterman

    No fucking clue as to how he got a handle in there. The cops do pat downs on every brother that walks into the gate.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 9 months ago