Reason #9834753493845 not to play Humans vs. Zombies: You might get capped by gangstas who mistake you for a member of a rival, albeit incredibly non-threatening, gang.
Recently, when a Transylvania University student in Lexington, Kentucky took to the streets to play the GDI beloved game of grab ass known as Humans vs. Zombies, the student ran into some really unexpected trouble.
From the Kansas City Star:
A Transylvania University student wearing a red bandanna thought it was a joke when three men told him he was in the wrong territory and threatened to shoot him Sunday night, police said.
There are a lot of things I expect to happen to the college kids who play Humans vs. Zombies. I expect them to be laughed at, I expect their virginity to remain intact, and while I expect them to lose their social lives, I definitely don’t expect them to lose their actual lives — not unless there’s some freak accident where someone gets shot in the mouth with a Nerf dart and chokes to death, but that’s just natural selection at work.
I actually feel bad for the kid who was threatened. Well, I already felt bad for him, he was playing Humans vs. Zombies. By the way, if you make friends through Humans vs. Zombies, and you have to buy gear to play (which you do), then you’re paying for your friends. Sure, you might be paying way less, but you’re getting bargain bin friends. So suck it, GDIs. Not so high and mighty now, are you?
Where was I? Right, now I feel even worse for this kid than I would your average acned, Nerf gun wielding, somehow overweight despite the fact that he spends his evenings sprinting around campus playing this godforsaken game, Human vs. Zombies geed. I feel worse for him because he was literally having the most innocent fun possible, basically playing a complex game of tag, and someone threatened to murder him for it. That’s pretty messed up.
Who do these gang members think they are? Your’e in Lexington, Kentucky, guys. No one gives a shit about your weak ass gang. There are fraternities in Texas more heavily armed than you. Not to mention, their gang territory is ABSURD. This kid was basically on campus. Your gang can’t claim a campus as a territory, and I don’t care if you’re selling weed there or not. How in the name of God do you look at a college kid gleefully giggling as he sneaks around holding a children’s toy and think, “Ey, this muhfuckah’s disrespectin’ our turritory. L-Ton Thugs finna roll up on this bitch!” Maybe the Nerf gun looked realistic and they couldn’t tell the difference? I guess there weren’t any donated in the last Christmas charity toy drive.
Despite the details of the incident, Lexington police aren’t sure whether what happened is a prank or not. That seems plausible, because again, who threatens to kill the nerdy kid playing adult tag? It sounds like something Loc Dog would do in Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood, which I only mention to justify embedding a clip below. I love that movie.
Regardless of whether this was a prank or not, I’m glad that this Human vs. Zombies player didn’t end up dying a virgin.
[via The Kansas City Star]