I think I just found the exact opposite of Danny Ocean, and it’s a 19-year-old GDI panty thief from the University of Missouri (Ed. Note: Goddammit).
A freshman was arrested in Hatch residence hall after dozens of pairs of stolen women’s underwear were found in his room.
Kevin Waida, 19, was arrested on charges of stealing and stalking. The department was notified by a female resident of Hatch residence hall, MUPD spokesman Brian Weimer said.
Weimer was unable to give an exact number, but Hatch residents estimate as many as 200 pairs of underwear were stolen.
Two hundred panties!?! Forget cheap sexual thrills, I’m pretty sure this kid was out to make the world’s grossest memory quilt.
“As time went on, word just got around,” Charland said. “I knew a handful of girls it happened to, then a couple more came up and so on, so who knows how many there are. It’s been happening since at least January.”
Although the disappearances have been ongoing, Waida’s roommate, freshman Paul Sponsler, said the situation escalated in the past week.
“There had been suspicion on the floor, and the girls asked me to keep a lookout (Wednesday),” he said.
Sponsler continued, “And then I remembered that my roommate had about 200 pairs of women’s panties strewn across his bed and had been masturbating non-stop for the last six weeks. That’s when I got suspicious.”
I’m not really sure how someone living in close quarters to such an accomplished pervert didn’t notice anything for over four months. Then again I’ve never really lived in the dorms, so I imagine if I had a roommate that creepy I might just keep my mouth shut and thank Jesus for every day that I woke up with my skin still attached to my body.
MUPD has asked the female residents to come to the station and identify the pairs that were stolen from them, Charland said.
“I went to MUPD to give an additional statement, and (the underwear) was all on the table,” she said. “We had to point out which ones are ours, and they marked them and took pictures. They said we could take them back with us, but I said no thanks.”
So he still gets to make his quilt then? Seriously though, this kid has issues. Hopefully not Buffalo Bill type issues, but issues nonetheless.
By the way, if this exact same story had involved someone in a fraternity it would have been picked up outside of local Columbia media and spun into a “Fraternity culture breeds rapists and perverts!” type story. If only they knew what dorm culture bred.