The milk’s gone bad.
“A German liquor company called G-Spirits is promising customers that “every drop” of its line of alcoholic beverages has been poured on the naked breasts of a certified model — with her approval, of course.
For 139 euros (around $180 plus shipping), says the firm, you will find “its unbelievably versatile flavors range from roasted almonds, dried fruit, and toffee, to honey, vanilla, baked apples and cinnamon. Its finish is harmonic, well-balanced, spicy and long-lasting.”
The company claims that the stock is limited to a mere 5,000 bottles and comes with a certificate, including the original signature of the model and the bottle number, which proves that “every single drop” touched the model’s flesh.
“After storing it in ex-bourbon casks for 10 years and 1 year in barrels of French oak, it was poured over Amina’s breasts, which lends it a unique erotic character,” according to the company website.
All bottles come with nude photos of the models in mid-dousing, of course.”
SO many questions. What’s the alcoholic proof of daddy issues? Is the bottle shaped like a bag of sand? Which “unbelievably versatile flavor” best accentuates the taste of silicon? Do half-gallons have an ugly blue vein running down the side? Can we expect cooch-flavored spirits (G-Spots??) in 2013? Say milk accidently lactates into the fifth, does that technically qualify it as a White Russian? If you do body shots of this stuff off of another girl, does that count as a threeway? And for God’s sake, Germany, just how horny are you people?
Titty-flavored liquor. Well played, Germany, you old sailors, you.