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Any Girl Who Says “I Hate Drama” Definitely Loves Drama

annoying naggy girl drama

We all like to gossip like 9th grade girls at a slumber party. We all pretend we hate gossip, that we hate drama and we hate being haters, but we’re all full of shit. That being said, that’s okay. Since we all secretly like drama, we’re all on the same level. But, there are certain people that LOVE drama on an obsessive, unhealthy level. People who crave drama, who chisel it out like archeological explorers. But you all probably know this, because you’ve probably dated one of them.

I’ll bet all the money in my bank account (all $8 dollars and 27 cents) that pretty much every dude reading this has dated a girl that loves drama more than she loves her own damn family. Or, at the very least, you’ve been close friends with one. Basically, every dude has had an encounter with at least one girl like this. After such a traumatic experience, one can be faced with severe PTSD and have random Vietnam flashbacks (even if they’ve never been anywhere in Asia aside from a string of Thai ladyboy (man)titty bars) whereafter they wake up in a cold sweat at 3 a.m. Sad!

After experiencing this, you’ll probably want to do everything you can to avoid going through it again. And if you meet a new, cool girl, whether it be romantically or platonically, the biggest tell-tale warning sign she is capable of putting you through such an ordeal is right there like a giant spotlight shining in your face:

Basically, if a girl says she “hates drama”, stay the hell away from her at all costs. Because you can be damn sure that she definitely loves drama.

Psychologically, it makes sense. If you go out of your way to present yourself in a certain way, you’re probably overcompensating and secretly the opposite of that. That’s why any hardcore homophobe who never shuts the hell up about how gross gay people are is probably in the closet. It’s why racists start every racist thing they say with “I’m not racist, but…” Hell, if you built a time machine and went back to the early 90s and met Jeffrey Dahmer, he’d probably introduce himself by saying “Hi, I’m Jeff, and I’m not a serial killer.”

So as soon as she says “I hate dr-,” — don’t even let her finish — RUN FOR THE HILLS. Sure, there’s a tiny chance she’s actually about to say “I hate Drake,” or “I hate Drew Barrymore,” but thats a risk you’ve gotta be willing to take. Girls that feel the need announce how much they hate drama will burn your house down, murder your golden retriever, and subtweet you every night while sticking pins into a voodoo doll with a pic of your ugly face glued to it. They live for the drama. They can’t survive without it. They need 4 things to live: food, water, shelter, and drama.

Stay safe out there, folks. Nobody hates drama, and anyone who says they hate it actually loves it too much.

Image via Shutterstock

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Wally Bryton

TFM's most beloved writer

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