Guy Goes On Worst Tinder Date Ever, Ends Up With Meth Whore

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Guy Has The Worst First Tinder Date Ever, Ends Up With A Meth Whore

Tinder was made for one thing and one thing only: hooking up. One poor soul, down on his luck, hopped on Tinder to do just that. Guy just wanted to hook up with some strange. He started swiping until he couldn’t swipe anymore. After matching with what he figured was a nice, normal girl looking for a consequence free dicking, he began chatting her up. Soon after, she invited him over. Red flag number one.

From Reddit:

So her pictures were pretty, she seemed normal. I hadn’t done the Tinder thing before so I didn’t know what to expect, but when she invited me over to her place I figured I’d scored pretty hard. I showered, groomed, and drove the 20-30 minutes to her address. I’m not even worried about safety, she’s just a small girl right? I’ll be fine. My concern at this point is whether I’ll measure up.

I get there and I’m wondering if I have the right place. It’s completely overgrown. The grass hasn’t been cut in 7,000 years. The walls needed a fresh coat of paint a decade ago. Are…are the windows boarded up? I check the letterbox for the house number and check the message again – yep, this seems to be the right place. I guess it’s just a crappy old house.

The appearance of the house should have been red flag number two. But at this point, he’s not thinking with his brain. His dick has taken over any sort of cognitive reasoning. But hey, maybe it’ll turn out well for him? Maybe she will look as good as she does in her pictures, and he’ll be out of there within 30 minutes, fresh off a quick trip to pound town.

I knock and after about a minute she comes to the door. Unpleasant surprise no.1: she looks 15 years older than in her pictures and haggard; like she hasn’t slept in a week haggard. I don’t know what the fuck she’s wearing but it looks like a vague attempt at sexy. Like, I bought this leopard print dress at walmart 15 years ago sexy.

Seriously, chief, how many red flags do you need thrown in your face before you turn and sprint to your car? What a stupid little idiot. At this point, he deserves everything coming his way.

I’m already thinking about how to get out of this as she invites me inside. It’s even worse in here. The paint is peeling everywhere, it’s dark and messy. It smells quite unpleasant. She invites me into her room, which is lit up like a cheap brothel.

She sits down on her bed and asks if I mind if she smokes. Smoking in your house? That’s a bit gross, but it’s not really a surprise at this point. I say sure.

And that’s when she pulls the meth pipe out of her bag.

It all clicks. The garden, the paint, the boarded up windows, the smell, her appearance. This is a crack den and she is a crack whore.
Now I’m afraid. What is this house? Are we alone? Are 4 gangbangers going to jump out of the other room and mug me?

So I nope’d out of there as fast as you can say “oh holy fuck nope”, making some vague excuse about getting cold feet. She wasn’t really bothered; she was higher than the empire state by this point and rolling around on her bed.

I drove home feeling dirty and showered again. And that was the story of my first ever tinder date.

Good idea on the shower, who knows how many diseases were crawling around that place.

This is why I never go to a Tinder girl’s house. I like to control the situation, so I don’t end up in a crack den or in a ditch somewhere in rural Wyoming. If they show up looking haggard, you just don’t answer the door. Simple as that. This guy had it coming. Always trust your instincts.

[via Reddit]

Image via Shutterstock

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