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This Guy Got A DUI For Having Caffeine In His System

coffee

Well this is a slippery slope. A California man is going to court to combat a DUI charge that he accrued while driving erratically with… caffeine in his bloodstream.

From The Guardian:

Shcwab was driving home from work when he was pulled over by an agent from the California department of alcoholic beverage control, who was driving an unmarked vehicle. The agent said Schwab had cut her off and was driving erratically.

The 36-year-old union glazier was given a breathalyzer test which showed a 0.00% blood alcohol level, his attorney said. He was booked into county jail and had his blood drawn, but the resulting toxicology report came back negative for benzodiazepines, cocaine, opiates, THC, carisoprodol (a muscle relaxant), methamphetamine/MDMA, oxycodone, and zolpidem.

Am I missing something here? I feel like this could happen to me any day of the week. I’m a pretty good driver, but I’ve been known to veer into the other lane when I’m changing songs on Spotify even when my eyes are on the road the whole time. Pair this with the oft-dangerous amount of cold brew in my system in the mornings, and you might as well haul me off to jail right this second. It looks like I’m not the only one who thinks this might be a bit ridiculous.

“It’s really stupid,” said Jeffrey Zehnder, a forensic toxicologist who frequently testifies in court cases. Over 41 years, Zehnder said, he had never seen a prosecution for driving under the influence of caffeine.

“If that’s the case, then they better come and arrest me,” he joked.

Christ, Jeffrey. Like I said, this is a slippery slope. No need to encourage law enforcement to hang out in the Starbucks parking lot busting coffee-drinking ne’er-do-wells. Have 41 years of experience taught you nothing?

On a more real note, try to make sure you’re not driving erratically or under the influence this week. No matter how annoying your family might be during the holidays, they’re much more lively than the folks over at the booking station. Have a safe winter break and New Year’s Eve.

[via The Guardian]

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WJ Cope

By the time you get out of bed in the morning, he's already taken more L's than the 2016 Browns.

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