Cheap alcohol consumption plays into all of the best decisions I make. Think I could write this solid-gold content sober? I’d contend that some of my greatest accomplishments and best feats of willpower began with the simple phrases “hold my beer” or “can you grab me a drink first?” And I can wash down just about anything, be it $7 vodka or day-old floor pizza, with enough of the cheap stuff.
Not a cactus, though. I’ve never woken up and said, “I’m going to drink until I can eat a cactus.” Especially not one that’s, at the time, on fire.
Meet our buddy Baddy 3shoez — apparently the bastard child of Shoenice and John Blutarsky. He got drunk and ate a burning cactus.
Don’t try this at home, kiddos.
As you can see in the video’s lead-up, our friend is no stranger to munching cacti. Let’s break this down.
Rocking a casual Hawaiian and with a Busch beer at the ready, this nutjob first douses the potted prickly plant in some high-grade moonshine — because rubbing alcohol and Bacardi 151 are for pussies — and takes it to the face. Doesn’t even blow it out. Just downs it. And chases it with the Busch, as though that’s supposed to take the edge off of eating a fucking cactus. He takes the tip like a champ and throws his bleeding hands up in victory before he breaks off and eats the remaining trunk of the decapitated fruit. And, for some icing on this inconceivably stupid cake, he dumps the rest of his beer in a shoe and drinks from that.
I’ll never knock another guy’s hobbies, but how does one stumble upon a latent flair for eating prickly fruits (Milo Yiannopoulos notwithstanding)? Fuck all the peanut butter and raw eggs you had to eat as a pledge; this dude upped the ante..