When you spend as much time as I do in bars, you see some crazy stuff. Fights break out, things get broken, and extremely drunk people do incredibly ridiculous shit. It’s just the way it goes. When you get down to it, that’s one of the great things about bars. You could get shitfaced in your parents’ basement for a lot less money, but you won’t have nearly as much fun as you would at the bar down the street. While I’ve seen some crazy shit in my day, I don’t think I’ve seen anything as ridiculous as what happened in an Oregon bar recently.
Andrew Frey, a 37-year-old man, was enjoying himself at a Salem, Oregon bar called Iggy’s Bar and Grill. By enjoying himself, I mean he was publicly masturbating, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. A lot happened to Mr. Frey before he decided to rub one out at the local watering hole.
Earlier in the day, around 1pm, Frey, who I assume was hammered, called a locksmith and refused to pay for the services provided. After that, he went to Brook’s Market, refused to leave the premises, and was forcibly removed from the store by an employee. After all that, I guess he decided he needed a drink, so he headed over to Iggy’s.
Upon stumbling into the bar, Frey “exposed his genitals and started masturbating at the bar.” Definitely a bold move. I’m not really sure what his intent was or what point he was trying to make, but he certainly made it. Obviously, the bartender called the cops. It’s the logical thing to do when a fucked up guy is jerking off at the bar. I mean, I’ve never worked at a bar, but that’s what I’d do, anyway.
When the cop showed up, he tried to stop Frey, but he put up strong resistance. The law enforcement officer decided to use his taser on Frey. Bad call, Kojak. The taser didn’t bring him down. It just made him angry. Frey started getting physical with the cop because he was out of his fucking mind, and I guess that made sense to him at the time. I don’t know. I’m just making logical assumptions here, folks.
The Marion County sheriff’s deputy then called for back up, a smart move when you’re getting your ass kicked by a guy who wasn’t stopped by a taser and is continuing to jerk off. Finally, it took a total of fifteen officers to bring down Andrew Frey. Later on, after he’d calmed down, Frey admitted that he’d taken methamphetamine and didn’t remember the incident at all. Even if he hadn’t admitted to being high on meth, I’d have assumed he was. I mean, the dude took a taser like a slap on the wrist and fought fifteen cops. Plus, you don’t really go around beating your meat out in the open when you’re as sober as a priest.
I’ve done some stupid shit in my time, but I’ve never done meth, jerked off in a bar, and subsequently fought fifteen law enforcement officers. That’s just not my style. Apparently, though, it was Andrew Frey’s. For his actions, Frey was charged with public indecency, theft of services, and resisting arrest. Personally, I think he got off lightly, considering, you know, he was jerking off in public, high as fuck on meth, and fought fifteen cops. I don’t know. Could just be me, I guess.
I think the moral of the story is pretty apparent here, guys. Don’t do meth, don’t masturbate in public, and don’t fight cops. It won’t end well for you.
[via Opposing Views]
Image via Batshit Crazy News