Happy 46th Birthday To Giada De Laurentiis, The World’s Hottest MILF

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Giada De Laurentiis

We all have our television crushes. They usually star in a guilty pleasure show that you watch solely because of them. Mine is Giada Pamela De Laurentiis, a celebrity chef who is known for her “work” on the Food Network.

My knees buckled just typing her name out. Say the name “Giada” aloud and tell me you don’t get all sorts of feels.

Women want to be her, and men want to be the spaghetti she slurps up during a taste testing.

Today, she celebrates her 46th birthday. 46! Are you kidding me? MILF doesn’t even begin to do this goddess of the kitchen justice. I never knew I had sexual fantasies involving a kitchen until I laid eyes on Giada.

Men think about two things and two things only throughout the day: food and sex. What the Food Network did by bringing these two together seems like common sense, but it turned out to be nothing short of genius.

Some will say Giada doesn’t understand the extent of what she’s doing in those low cut shirts as she leans over the sink to drain her pasta. Similarly to Wendy Peffercorn up on that lifeguard stand in The Sandlot; yes, she does. She knows EXACTLY what she’s doing.

The pressure cooker! #vegas

A photo posted by Giada DeLaurentiis (@giadadelaurentiis) on

I’ve watched her show for as long as I can remember. And every episode, there they are, hanging out like two pieces of forbidden fruit. My heart pounds with each piece of meat she tenderizes.

Every time I tune in, I feel as if I’m watching something I’m not supposed to. It just feels wrong to see her on the TV when it’s still light out. My guess is that Giada hosts the only show rated higher than G on the Food Network. A part of me wishes she was discovered back in the day of late night scrambled TV; Something tells me she could have found a way to put a unique spin on public access cooking shows.

I have no idea how Giada holds up as a true chef. Frankly, I don’t give a damn. I’ll have whatever she’s having to look that good at 46.

Happy birthday, Giada! I’ve got a nice piece of braciole for you to work on for your special day.

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