In news that should surprise no one who has ever seen a totally not staged video of Justin Bieber being awesome at basketball, Biebs is a big fan of seeming like he could’ve made it in the pros if his music career didn’t get in the way. You’d think having a dong so huge that your dad is proud of it and being Anne Frank’s hero would be enough, but some men want the world.
The latest in Justin Bieber’s self-produced “30 for 30” (titled “Good At Everything”) comes from the Bahamas by way of a Harvard lacrosse player who happened to get roped into a pickup game of soccer with Bieber while on vacation. Or, at least, he thought it was a pickup game until Bieber showed up with a full kit on and dreams of ripping the Ballon d’Or from Cristiano Ronaldo’s perfectly manicured hands.
Top 3 Least Surprising Things About The Bieber Cup:
1. That Justin Bieber showed up with shinguards and cleats on. There’s like a fifty-percent chance he purposely had whoever contacted the manager to recruit more players downplay the seriousness with which he intended to hit the pitch. Savvy. The great ones look to get an edge wherever they can.
2. That some poor Bahamian man was forced to find extra people for Bieber to play soccer with. That was easily the most stressful part of his day (month? year?).
3. That Patrick Schwarzenegger was there. If there’s a young, famous person doing something fun, he’s always somehow like four feet away. Forget Bieber, I want that guy’s life..
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