Heisman Voter Leaves Johnny Manziel Off Ballot Because Of Arrest, Matthew Berry Lights Him Up

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Even if you’re blessed with a little je ne sais quoi, it’s unrealistic to expect everyone to like you (see: America, Jesus, sweet pickles). TJ Detweiler taught me that once. That’s why it’s always fun to see those same people who don’t like you get shit on for the entire world to see.

This week, SI.com published the Heisman ballots of some of its staff members who were allowed to vote. Among them is Thayer Evans, who left off Texas A&M super-freshman/TFM legend/widely-considered-frontrunner Johnny Manziel.

Who did Evans vote for?

(1.) Manti Te’o (LB, Notre Dame)
(2.) Collin Klein (QB, Kansas State)
(3.) Jordan Lynch (QB, Northern Illinois)

Jordan Lynch? Even the woman who gave birth to Jordan Lynch, upon seeing Evans’ ballot, had to Google “who the fuck is Jordan Lynch?”

Anticipating he’d draw some heat, Evans preemptively explained Johnny Football’s absence:

And yes, I realize I don’t have Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel on my ballot. I don’t consider players with pending criminal charges, and Manziel still faces three counts relating to an early morning fight in June. Manziel has been spectacular, but when he wins the Heisman on Saturday night, he should give it away — to coach Kevin Sumlin and offensive coordinator Kliff Kingsbury, for being the best at their positions this season, for implementing Texas A&M’s high-powered scheme and for standing by Manziel.

Okay, I can kind of see your point about the pending criminal charges. Wouldn’t want a Duke lacrosse situation on our hands. That’d be embarrassing for everyone, especially when those Durham guys were eventually found guilty of all charges and sentenced to death by firing semen squad. That never happened? Regardless, the proper thing to do here is to jump the gun.

By the way, these pending charges must be pretty serious, eh?

From The Big Lead:

Texas A&M freshman quarterback Johnny Manziel was arrested and jailed early Friday after he was involved in a fight and police said he produced a fake ID.

College Station police spokeswoman Rhonda Seaton says Manziel, 19, was charged with disorderly conduct, failure to identity and possessing a false identification card, all misdemeanors. He was jailed overnight and released Friday afternoon, Seaton said.

Seaton says an officer on bike patrol intervened to break up a fight between Manziel and McKinney. McKinney told the officer that Brant, Manziel’s friend, called him a racial slur and he approached Brant. Seaton says Manziel then shoved McKinney and the two exchanged punches.

When officers asked Manziel for an ID, he produced a phony Louisiana driver’s license that showed his birthday as Dec. 6, 1990.

Incredible, Thayer. You and your stupid name are really going to bust Johnny’s balls over carrying a fake and getting in a tiny scrap? That’s nothing. It’s on par with beheading an East Asian hooker with car keys in a fit of cocaine-induced rage and Pearl Harbor-inspired patriotism. It’s called college, holmes.

Luckily, College Station native and ESPN.com fantasy sports guru Matthew Berry (and his 450,000 followers) took to Twitter Saturday afternoon to put this little punk in his place.

Enjoy.

Well said, TMR, but we all know what this is really about. If my parents named me Thayer, I’d be angry at the world, too.

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