At some point, we’ve all fallen victim to sorority theft. Composites. Paddles. Dignity. Nothing is safe. Especially not our fraternity t-shirts. If she spends the night at your house, you can guarantee she’ll ask for a t-shirt in the morning. Otherwise, she’ll “look trashy” walking home in her dress from last night (girls, don’t be ashamed — you got laid! It’s a stride of pride, not a walk of shame).
Every year, countless fraternity men take the bait and lend her one of their prized pocket tees, adorned with fraternity letters embedded in a plagiarized Marlboro or Budweiser logo. Even if you refuse to give one up, there’s a good chance a shacker will wake up early, grab your favorite tee with the mountains and the elk on it (DAMMIT BRENDA) and disappear, never to be seen again.
You could be dating a girl, and she’ll still keep a frat tee she swiped from you tucked away in the back of her closet with all the other trinkets she’s stolen from houses over the years. Bitches are kleptos, man. It’s a trait left over from the fledgling days of mankind, passed down through years of evolution. “Nesting,” I think they call it.
Regardless of the reason, it is a cruel hijacking of our cherished keepsakes. One day, when you’re 45 years old and moving boxes out of the attic after your wife kicks you to the curb, a frat t-shirt will fall out of a box onto the floor. You’ll hold it up, look at that PBR logo with your letters on it, and drift away to a happier place. The memories of better times will drown out the shrieks of your old lady, if only for a moment. There. That moment. That is what’s at stake when sorority girls swipe our beloved tees.
You wont forget about it, either. This Kappa Alpha brother turned father of a Delta Gamma sure didn’t. He asked his daughter to make a post in the sorority’s “Shirt Swap!” Facebook group — a page where girls from different chapters across the country can exchange tees — inquiring about a pledge jersey taken from him by a DG over 30 years ago. She also sent it to us, hoping our reach could help track down the perpetrator.
Please. If you know anything about the whereabouts of this t-shirt, find it in your heart to do the right thing. Contact Jocelynn and return the classic Kappa Alpha treasure to its rightful owner. He probably needs it right about now.
P.S. This “Shirt Swap!” forum probably pushes hundreds of stolen fraternity tees everyday. It’s essentially a black market. Disgusting..