I’ve never seen a more polarizing social media site than the 140 characters or less internet behemoth that is Twitter. It’s like the fucking Ron Paul campaign of the World Wide Web. Loathed by some, obsessively adored by others. Whether you’re one of those “I just took a dump #pooptweet” fanatics or simply enjoy keeping up with current events and your favorite athletes, there’s one thing I think both fans and haters alike need to unite behind.
If the title wasn’t a dead giveaway, I’m talking about the ever popular trend known simply as “#GentTips.” For those unaware of this phenomenon, it goes like this: start with one sexually confused jackass twitter user who desperately wants to sound FaF, add one simple and obvious piece of advice that any self-respecting gentleman would already know,and then add one half-chub when that seemingly hot girl from Oregon, to whom you have never spoken, re-tweets it. Congratulations, you just won the internet.
Some examples (all actually posted on Twitter):
“A real lover is a man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead. #GentTips”
“Tell her she’s beautiful when you’re going to bed, and right when you wake up. #GentTips”
“If you like her, take her flowers. #GentTips”
“If it gets me attention, I don’t mind sounding like a complete pussy. #GentTips”
I am obviously not a fan of the “Gent Tip” craze. It’s fucking Twitter, not a psychiatrist office, and it’s safe to assume that your 74 followers don’t give a shit how polite you act when you aren’t masturbating furiously to John Mayer’s new album while wrapped in your beloved 800 thread count Egyptian cotton “light red” sheet. You should know how to behave like a proper gentleman without reading some halfwit try-hard’s tweet, and if not…you’re a goddamn disgrace to fraternity men everywhere. When you plugged in your shitty little “ImSoFrat1993@hotmail.com” email address to start your meaningless Twitter existence, it didn’t suddenly entitle you to restore civility to the e-universe. We all know what you’re really trying to do, and that’s sound like you’re charming so you can snag a few more attractive female followers to make you feel a little better about how many people in the real world hate you. You aren’t fooling anyone.
I know this column isn’t going to eradicate this plague. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if I started seeing more of them. As long as there are keyboards and presumably undersized penis-bearers in the world, there will always be worthless shit like this lurking in the bowels of the internet. Next time you see someone you know post a #GentTip on Twitter, make a mental note to punch him in the fleshless void where his testicles should be next time you see “him.” This applies to every single one of those wannabe dumbasses attempting to emulate the same vibe as #GentTips.