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How Fitting: There Was A Literal Dumpster Fire At Mizzou Today

The title says it all. There was a dumpster on fire not too long ago at America’s current inextinguishable dumpster fire: The University of Missouri.


I assume the fire has been extinguished by now, but you never know. If the firefighters that service Mizzou’s campus are as helpless as its bloc of PC students and professors, it could still be going strong. It looks like the Columbia FD is there, though, so we should be fine.

The only thing that could make this situation more perfect would be if it was discovered that the fire was started by a liberal student who burned a copy of the constitution and then chucked it into the dumpster, while a ring of human-shields with an established perimeter, there to protect him from the media, looked on.

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a writer and content manager for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin. He has been called the "Patron Saint of Butt Stuff" despite never having engaged in sexual activity of any nature until he turned 21, which he is still convinced is the minimum age at which you can legally have sex.

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