Girls are crazy. It’s pretty much instinct for us to lose it sometimes, and even the most honorable girls spend way too much time trying to fight the urge to be absolutely insane. However, some females take odd pleasure in being batshit crazy. These girls are often difficult to spot, as they seem sweet and genuine right off the bat. Months later, however, they will start sending you novel-length texts about how that girl in your Chem lecture texted you for the notes she missed, so you’re clearly cheating on her. God, you’re just like her ex.
She is crazy and she will ruin your life, but not if you catch her before it’s too late. Here are some signs that you’re in for a not-so-pleasant surprise down the line.
1. Her twitter is fucking annoying.
She tweets an excessive amount of (shitty) song lyrics about how much she needs/wants a cuddle buddy. Needy bitch.
2. She only hangs out with guys.
If she is incapable of making any female friends, there’s clearly something wrong with her that other girls are naturally picking up on.
3. Her bio on any social media is “cute but psycho.”
It doesn’t mean she’s crazy in bed — it means she will ruin your life.
4. She only drinks mixed drinks.
Mixed drinks have a time and place, but no normal girl would ever refuse a shot that has been offered to them.
5. Constantly brags about her “wifey skills.”
These are qualities you should find out about naturally after getting to know each other. If she feels the need to continuously explain what a great match she would be, chances are she isn’t a great one at all. Congrats on knowing how to make a sandwich, though.
6. Gets offended by offensive jokes that aren’t even about her.
Guys shit on each other all the time, but if the girl you’re talking to doesn’t comprehend this and scolds you for being so insensitive, leave her. She clearly can’t take a joke, not even one that wasn’t directed at her.
7. Gets mad when you talk about hot female celebrities.
If the girl you’re talking to gets genuinely offended by the fact that you want to have sex with Kendall Jenner, or any other celebrity of the same caliber, she’s insane. A normal girl will agree with you, and won’t threaten to slash your tires after noticing that you liked her latest post on Instagram.
8. Insists on meeting your family right away.
Meeting the family of the guy you’re talking to can be nerve-wracking, but to a crazy girl it’s just an opportunity for her to weasel her way into the hearts of those close to you. If she succeeds, you’re fucked. Hopefully your mom can see right through her. Trust her when she says that this girl is not for you.
9. Says “I’m not crazy” or “I’m not like other girls.”
10. Immediately agrees and likes everything you like.
While you and your girl are sure to have some similar interests, don’t be fooled by a girl who claims to love everything you love. The only mind of her own she has is a crazy one that feels the need to lie about simple things. A normal girl isn’t afraid to admit she may not completely understand football, but she’ll still watch it with you anyway.
11. Still has clothes/possessions from her ex-boyfriend.
Girls that don’t return the clothes of the guy they used to date are clearly obsessive. No one wants reminders of their ex unless they’re still into them. It’s honestly more sane if a girl burns them than if she keeps them.
12. She puts other girls down.
If you’re out with her and she won’t shut up about how slutty some girl across the bar’s outfit is, or about how sloppy drunk one of her sorority sisters is, don’t go home with her. Her comments about girls she hardly knows or about her own sisters are simply a reflection of the insecure bitch inside her. You’ll spend most of your time with her boosting her ego rather than receiving a sub-par hand job.
13. She uses an excessive amount of emojis.
The invention of the emoji keyboard truly changed the texting game. Emojis can add extra emotion and flirtation to any conversation, but some girls take it too far. If a girl uses one emoji per sentence in a paragraph of texting, run. Also, if you notice that her names are saved in her contacts with six or more emojis next to them, stop texting her back. Unless, of course, if you want to be the next “Baabeeeee” with every heart emoji next to it in her phone.
14. She’s constantly in a battle with another girl (about nothing in particular).
Girls don’t like each other sometimes, and that’s fine. Shit happens. Most girls can live peacefully and simply avoid those they dislike without dramatic confrontation. Crazy girls, on the other hand, live for holding grudges. Maybe a girl said something kind of bitchy to her as a joke, or flirted with the guy she was crushing on. Either way, the crazy girl is going to call her out and love every second of it. She also doesn’t have the ability to let anything go, and chances are she wants you to become involved and hate “that fucking slore Tiffany” just as much as she does (even if you don’t see the point).
15. She gets mad at you for having plans with your friends.
Don’t confuse this for when you ditch plans with her to hang out with your friends. That merits a somewhat angry response, as you canceled on her. It’s a completely different story when you had no plans with her and are just hanging out with your friends like any normal day. If she gets upset about you spending time with people who aren’t her, it’s because she wants to take over your entire life. Because she’s fucking crazy.
I hope this helps you see the crazy before it’s too late. Although, according to Barney Stinson’s “Hot/Crazy Scale,” if a girl is hot enough, she can get away with almost anything. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you..
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