Despite the many perks of working full-time for the media empire that is Grandex and being one of the most influential voices of not only the internet but my entire generation, I still haven’t quite made it to “private jet” money. So just like many of you commoners, I, too, have the displeasure of doing the whole song and dance that comes with flying commercial.
From everyone standing for hours in the security line before slipping their shoes off like the TSA is about to live out their own personal Holocaust Memorial Museum fetish, to standing in line during boarding for — what seems like — hours as some out-of-breath jamoke that tried to jam his 50 pounds of shit into a 10 pound bag can’t quite fit it into the overhead compartment, the entire pre-flight experience has you on the verge of a mental breakdown. That’s why I certainly don’t fault this dude at the Madrid airport. Guy got to the gate just as it closed, saw his plane was still on the ground, and just made a fucking go for it.
Sure, in hindsight, homeboy is probably realizing just how moronic of a move this was. Like if he was to actually reach the plane they would just toss down a rope ladder for him to climb up, he’d take his seat, and get his bag of complimentary pretzels and shot glass of ginger ale. He knows that would never happen. He knows it midway on the tarmac. But in the moment before reality slaps him in the face, all bets are off. There’s no such thing as logical thinking when the girl at the front desk says you’ll now be charged an additional $350 for switching flights when your fucking plane is staring you right in your stupid face. So he made a run for it, and sure, he probably immediately regretted the decision — especially during the full body cavity search — but dammit do I respect the hell out of this man..
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