People out there might think guys like Rob Gronkowski or myself have it made by being this ridiculously good looking. That being this damn near physical perfection is easy, or sleeping with a different dimepiece on a night after night basis is a gratifying existence. But they don’t know our struggle. Not one bit.
I ask Gronk if it ever gets boring. Having random sex with beautiful women. If he ever gets bored with being the object of female affection. Hahahahaha, he laughs. “Depends. Sometimes if you’re getting too much of it, having everyone come up to you every night, you definitely get bored of it. But it’s pretty wild when it happens. I’m not gonna lie—98 percent of the time, no matter where we go, it happens. It’s literally been like that since the fourth grade. Wherever we roll, it didn’t really matter, chicks would come to me no matter what. Even before anything. But a lot of the time when it doesn’t happen, you have more fun, anyway, because you can hang out with your boys.”
Preach, Gronk. Sometimes you just want to hang out with the guys, doing dude stuff. That’s virtually impossible in our shoes. Instead, we’re constantly being catcalled and groped before dishing out an exhausting amount of rejection to women we’re not interested in. For the ladies that do pique our curiosity, the chase is immediately dampened by their straightforwardness.
Imagine if the deer came up to your stand during a hunt, took the rifle out of your hands, pointed it at their hearts, and pulled the trigger all by themselves. That’s not a rewarding experience. You wouldn’t take pride in that trophy kill. That’s essentially what happens whenever beefcakes like Gronk or myself go out in public.
As for the actual act of sex, it can get severely tedious — especially with these Instagram models. They’ve never had to work for much in their lives, so of course that’s going to translate to the bedroom. At that point, it’s more of a chore and less of an enjoyable activity. Plus, getting this much ass can turn a man into a sick, depraved individual. The basic missionary, cowgirl, doggy style Hole-y Trinity just doesn’t cut it anymore. Instead, hot guys who crush mad poontang have to resort to extreme measures to get off. One minute she’s cracking a whip on your chest as she’s riding you, the next she has a loaded revolver to your scrotum. Does that sound like a grand old time to you, guys? One slip of the finger, and goodnight Irene. So long sack.
It’s a curse I wouldn’t wish on any other man..
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