I Want To Be A Republican So Badly: Donald Trump

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I Want To Be A Republican So Badly- Donald Trump

So I assume all of you watched the Republican debate the other night. I mean, heck…24 million people did, so if you didn’t, you either don’t give a shit, or you somehow forgot that we elect our leaders in this country. Even if you missed it, I’m sure you saw some Donald Trump clips the next day. The current popular rhetoric on Trump goes something like this: “Yeah, the dude is ridiculous, but it’s refreshing to have a candidate actually say what he thinks. We get packaged responses from every other politician, but thank God that Donald is just telling it how it is, even if it’s insane.” Shockingly, I have a ton of liberal friends, and even some of them are actually saying the same thing. They’re happier that he’s speaking his mind than they are upset about the fact that his words are those of a crazy person.

There are three potential reasons that Donald Trump is allowed to be as popular as he is right now:

1. He represents a shift in the party toward insanity (which, given some of the shit we’ve witnessed from republicans who actually are in office, is not too far off).

2. He’s a voice of the things that people think, but don’t want to say. This is, of course, the most popular. Somehow, by Trump being an asshole, and not apologizing for being an asshole, it makes him better than career politicians who have committed the capital crime of measuring their words.

3. He’s only being given a platform to make the eventual republican nominee look sane by comparison.

I’m assuming (hoping) that number three is the most likely. Donald Trump is a fucking moron. He was born into money, fell out of money, stumbled back into money, assumed he was smart, and decided to take the reality TV route into more money, rather than, you know, actually making good business decisions. And now we find him here, on the grand stage of actual presidential candidates. And somehow we let him remain there. Why? Oh, shit. It’s because he’s leading in the polls.

Look, I’m not worried about Trump just because he’s leading the polls now. I can’t name a single candidate in the modern era who actually won the presidency after leading the polls this early. What I’m worried about is that Trump is even here to begin with. There were several guys who looked good in the last debate. Jeb came off as an intellectual, which is impressive, given that he’s basically assumed to be the lesser version of his brother. Marco Rubio was sharp, and made himself a contender, despite his age. Rand Paul (full disclosure, the guy I plan to vote for), had a bad time overall, but still looked good. He spent too many words talking about the constitution with Christie, who’s a piece of shit (fat, or otherwise). Ted Cruz may be a serious candidate, but the fact that I consider him to be a disgrace to the ideals of political discourse may (hopefully) overwhelm him.

The most important thing is the aftermath. What did people talk about? Hell, if you look at the list of people I follow on Twitter, it’s basically all liberals. Why? Because most of the people I follow are comedians, and the best comedians are liberal. Is that a political problem? I don’t know. Maybe more conservatives should try to be professionally funny, and, you know…be good at it.

Anyway, the point that I’m attempting to make here is that there’s not an intelligent conservative on the planet who supports Trump. In fact, all well-read conservatives think Trump is a joke, and assume that he’s only running to promote his brand as a businessman. However, Trump is currently leading the polls. Trump is dominating the conversation of the republican debate. Trump may be a patsy to make the eventual republican nominee look sane by comparison, but make no mistake, the fact that we, as a party, are allowing an ignorant, trust fund baby, multiple bankrupter to EVER lead the poll of our party, means that WE are fucking up. Donald Trump being popular is not a ploy, it’s a mistake, and republicans deserve better.

Image via YouTube

Sterling Cooper is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems. He has never understood why people like sand, and has been in a bitter ten year rivalry with Muggsy Bogues, for reasons neither of them choose to reveal.

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