Ideal Songs For Porch Drinking Part 12

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Nice Move

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You know how it goes. You’ve had a long week, rife with classes and work and other responsibilities, but all you want to do is crack a beer and get some sun. Luckily, your good buddy Karl is here to give you the new edition of Porch Jams, all handpicked from the annals of music to perfectly complement your porch brew experience.

Fan Favorites are picked from the top comment of the previous edition.

My favorite is based on whichever suggested track I dig the most.

Be sure to leave your own suggestions in the comments for a chance to be featured on next week’s list. Let’s crank some tunes.

Fan Favorite: Carry On Wayward Son, Kansas

Suggested by E Dawg (who is on fire, b-t-dubs.) This song lends itself to psychedelics as well as the joys of alcohol. Also a shoe-in for first team all-air band.

Karl’s Favorite: Scenes From An Italian Restaurant, Billy Joel

Where do I begin? Coupling Billy Joel’s feel-good style with a couple verses that are poignant and true, the ballad of Debra and Eddie is a classic. Pairs equally well with a box of Franzia or a bucket of Natty.

1. Life In The Fastlane, The Eagles

This edition kicks off with a popular track from 1976’s Hotel California album. Detailing the story of every wannabe Scarface since Tommy Wyoming, it has one of the coolest guitar openings I’m aware of.


2. Blinded By The Light, Manfred Mann

I give in, folks. This song has been requested for as long as I can remember. Most notable for being the song where you mishear “revved up like a deuce” as “wrapped up like a douche.” The instrumentals aren’t that bad, but I don’t particularly understand a word these guys are saying.

3. Long Tall Sally, Little Richard

A Rock ‘n Roll pioneer, Little Richard was both an expert pianist (heh) and a strong influence on future artists. I’m partial to this song because A) long tall Sally sounds like a hell of a woman and B) it’s all rise.

4. Fly, Sugar Ray

This song, and the famous “dog” story associated with it, is key to overcoming a long week. Undeniably upbeat and not overdone in its repetition, you can turn this up and feel the weight of the world fly away.

5. Rock and Roll is King, Electric Light Orchestra

In addition to being a fun listen, this song is my favorite to apply the “Your Butthole” rule. Just replace the term “Rock and Roll” with “Your Butthole” and it still makes sense. Not applicable to KISS, but goes across the board otherwise. Tell me your favorites so I can spend the rest of my day howling in laughter at my computer screen.

6. 1968, Turnpike Troubadours

I just can’t get enough of the Troubs. The twang, the music, the magic. They’re just incredible, and this song is another banger from Diamonds & Gasoline.

7. Girls, Beastie Boys

Applicable to your fraternity’s porch or poolside, as long as there are ladies with big bazongas present. Take a minute to pour some out for John Berry, founding member who passed away this week. And yes, I’m aware he wasn’t on this track. It’s just a jam.

8. Fatal Attraction, Tone Loc

We all know that women can be a bit unbalanced, and this particular track sums up how poorly a jilted lover can respond. While it can easily be put on at a party to kick up the “oomph” factor, it’s also notoriously well suited for a laid-back weekend.

9. Much Too Young (To Feel This Damn Old), Garth Brooks

Let’s slow it down for a moment with a song that some might construe as depressing. I, however, find it to be one of those perfect tunes when you need to have a beer on something. Sadly, Garth isn’t big on Spotify or other takes on his work, so this version’s audio is iffy.

10. Living in America, James Brown

There is nothing that James Brown and America cannot fix. When you put the two together, you’ll likely feel an urge to stand up and do a little shimmy. Don’t fight it, just break it down in front of the entire neighborhood. Women will swoon and men will quake in fear.

11. Carrie Anne, The Hollies

Man oh man, do I love a nice sloot. In addition to their sleek designs and easily accessible undercarriages, the services they provide are usually second to none. Anyway, here’s a song about a whore.

12. Mr. Postman, The Carpenters

Let’s keep the days of uninhibited boning and rampant drug use going with this classic which features the golden pipes of Ms. Karen Carpenter. I’d like to wear her butt like a hat if you know what I am saying. If nothing else, this song is damn catchy.

13. Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys, Waylon Jennings

Mr. Jennings’ voice is a real treasure. Although a number of us are prepping for careers as doctors and lawyers and such, I wouldn’t be surprised if many of you would be a cowboy at the drop of a ten-gallon hat. Me? I’m going to be a parasailing champion.

14. A Milli, Lil Wayne

Tha Carter III is one of my favorite rap albums of all time, and this song in particular captured my heart as a young hip hop loving suburbanite. Although people think Wayne has gone a little off the rails, I can still safely say that he’s still my favorite emcee out there. Just don’t go full-Kanye, Weezy.

15. Hey Good Lookin’, Jimmy Buffett

This song is, without question, one of the most fun tracks in Jimmy’s repertoire. Songs about banging are just awesome. How do you make it better, you ask? By checking out this version that also features Alan Jackson and George Fucking Strait, that’s how! I’m fangirling like a little bitch right now, folks.

Again, be sure to leave me suggestions in the comments section (and your favorite songs on which to use the “Your Butthole” trick.) As always, don’t drink and drive.

While you’re at it, listen to the previous editions here on Spotify…

P.S, I’m in the process of figuring out Apple Music so expect there to be a playlist featured there in the near future.

Karl Karlson is TFM's self-proclaimed cartoon expert and your best buddy. He resides in the mountains of NC where he wrestles black bears and attempts to grow a beard. Karl gave up liquor following an unfortunate incident involving tequila and a vacuum cleaner, but he isn't above a nice stout on the porch.

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