Ideal Songs for Porch Drinking Part 10

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Cold fronts be damned, it’s time to have a drink. Chances are you just finished finals and you’re free of all that responsibility and toil for a whole summer. Maybe you’re graduating and ready to set out to conquer the world. Good on you! Throw on a fleece, pull up a chair, and turn your volume up to 11 because it’s that time of the week again. Here are 17 tasty jams that will help you cast aside a year’s worth of stress and usher in a new era of debauchery.

Fan favorites are based on the top comment of the previous week. My favorite is whatever song catches my fancy in the comments. Be sure to drop your own suggestions in the comments for a chance to be featured. Now pop a top and get to listening.

Fan Favorite: The Joker, Steve Miller Band

Suggested by E Dawg. Every fraternity man worth his salt can likely sing this song by heart, and its place in music is well deserved. Making the slide sound after “Maurice” is a great way to pick up chicks.

Karl’s Favorite: 21 Questions, 50 Cent ft. Nate Dogg

50’s finest, this song is both a smooth listen and an excellent means of finding out if you’re dealing with a gold digger. 50 Cent: Watching out for his boys since ’75.

1. Songs About Texas, Pat Green

The rhythm guitar in this one is hotter than an Amarillo 4th of July. We got to scope Pat Green’s sweet college lettuce earlier this week, but it had to be his music getting him laid in Lubbock.

2. Jessica, The Allman Brothers Band

One of the most recognizable instrumental pieces to ever come out of rock music. It makes me visualize a beach full of big titties as far as the eye can see. I’m the lifeguard, and it’s a hot one. An absolute all-timer.

3. Train Train, Blackfoot

As our good friend David Allen Coe taught us, Trains make songs infinitely better. I’m a huge advocate for harmonica intros followed by some steel guitar. This song gives you a nice mix of laid back with rock and roll

4. Here I Go Again, Whitesnake

The ballad of Frank the Tank, this song couples one of the hottest tracks with one of the strangest videos you’ll ever see. This one’s for all you grads. Go out there and kick some ass, but never forget where you’ve been.

5. The Entertainer, Billy Joel

Playing in all kinds of palaces and laying all kinds of girls. TFM. This song will give your session a little levity and a touch of reality. Plus, Billy Joel can make magic with a piano.

6. Chattahoochee, Alan Jackson

AJ had the best hair in the game for a long time. He also has one of the finest country music voices, and this song is just rock and roll enough to stay spicy.

7. Dirty White Boy, Foreigner

Another quality song about sullying reputations brought to us by comment section staple Foreigner. If you get drunk enough, stand on the railing and throw some pelvic thrusts at passersby. Nothing bad will happen. Totally.

8. Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong, Spin Doctors

We’ve all had this feeling. She says “That’s it, we’re through!” and your only response is “THANK YOU GOD!” Easily one of the most feel good songs to perfectly sum up that magic moment.

9. Fat Bottom Girls, Queen

Everyone loves Fat Bottom Girls. The song, and the people. Freddie and the boys outdid themselves with this piece, and it’s a staple of both house parties and having a beer on the porch.

10. Summertime, DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince

A little smooth rhythm and blues to keep the good times rolling. People forget that Will Smith was actually a pretty solid emcee before becoming an American icon. “It’s like the Summer’s a natural aphrodisiac” is a philosophy to live by.

11. Ace In the Hole, George Strait

Young George with a hint of jazz. It doesn’t get much better than that.

12. You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet, Bachmann Turner Overdrive

This song taught me that any love is good loving, and how to sing the “B-b-b-bird” part in Surfin’ Bird. It’s also BTO’s most popular tune.

13. Faster Horses, Tom T. Hall

In honor of the Derby comes a classic from a Kentucky-born songwriter. Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, and more money (hopefully) will all be present at The Oaks, and I’m jealous of anyone going.

14. Whiskey Bent and Hell Bound, Hank Williams Jr.

It’s a classic song with a classic message. Hank Jr. loves to sing about music, and I love to listen.

15. Stay (Wasting Time)

You can never have enough live Dave. If you get a chance to go to a concert, be ready to see a mix of smoking hot babes and moms who’ve still got it get half naked and drunk off their asses.

Again, be sure to leave your suggestions in the comments for a chance to be featured on next week’s list. As always, don’t drink and drive.

Now that you’ve been rocking listening to these jams, let your ears get a taste of the previous versions…

Karl Karlson is TFM's self-proclaimed cartoon expert and your best buddy. He resides in the mountains of NC where he wrestles black bears and attempts to grow a beard. Karl gave up liquor following an unfortunate incident involving tequila and a vacuum cleaner, but he isn't above a nice stout on the porch.

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