Ideal Songs For Porch Drinking Part 17

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You know how it goes. You’ve had a long week, rife with classes and work and other responsibilities, but all you want to do is crack a beer and get some sun. Luckily, your good buddy Karl is here to give you the new edition of Porch Jams, all handpicked from the annals of music to perfectly complement your porch brew experience.

Fan Favorites are picked from the top comment from the previous edition.

My favorite is based on whichever suggested track I dig the most.

Be sure to leave your own suggestions in the comments for a chance to be
featured on next week’s list. Let’s crank some tunes.

Fan Favorite: Good Times Roll, The Cars

Suggested by DontMessWithTheDonald. You can’t find a better song to kick off a long day of drinking with. Rhyming “around” with “clown” is kind of like Weezy rhyming “fireman” with “fireman”. Somehow it works. A good song to get you warmed up and ready to go.

Karl’s Favorite: Bad Bad Leroy Brown, Jim Croce

Suggested by SerenityNow. Another classic by the great American poet Jim Croce, this song chronicles the fate of the toughest guy on the Southside of Chicago. It’s both a ridiculously feel-good tune and one of the greatest cautionary tales for any of you wannabe badasses out there: watch out for jealous men and conniving women.

1. You Ought To Be Havin’ Fun, Tower of Power

A little funk/R&B is a guaranteed gateway to a glorious day, and the horn ensemble Tower of Power is your gatekeeper. I caught this group on VH1 Classics when I was about 8, and I credit them for beginning my lifelong love affair with funky music. Hopefully they’ll do the same for you.

2. Rockin’ Into the Night, 38 Special

Still holding a vendetta against “38 Special only has two songs guy”. Sorry, whoever you are. You’re probably a nice person, but tunes like this prove my point that Special is one of the finest Southern Rock groups to ever grace this Earth. You can’t go wrong with power chords over a staccato bassline, and you’ll be cruising without moving an inch when this hit takes off.

3. Walk on By, Fat Joe ft. Charli Baltimore

I enjoy songs that open with “this is for the bitches and hoes” because I’m a huge fan of both. Of course, Fat Joe quickly goes on to condone their actions, but that’s neither here nor there. Joey Crack is an emcee set for any occasion, and a passing familiarity with Charli Baltimore tells me he can bring the heat. Smart girls (lol) will totally think you respect them if you bump this song.

4. Good Time, Leroy

You probably heard this on Scrubs, a show with one of the finest soundtracks ever. It’s perfect when you feel like having a beer of 12, or when that bitch of an ex decides to ruin the past two years of your life. Give her a nice “There’s only so much I can owe” next time she brings up the one and only time she paid for fucking dinner.

5. Why Don’t You Get a Job, The Offspring

I wanted Bernie Sanders to get the Democrat’s nomination just so The Donald could walk out to this song at debate number one. The Offspring are a divisive presence in the fraternity community. Some people write them off as another punk band, others embrace them as an actual voice. No matter how you slice it, this song is great when you want to pick up the pace a little bit.

6. Detroit, Red Hot Chili Peppers

The hottest song off “The Getaway” references native sons like The Stooges and Parliament Funkadelic while paying homage to what used to be the great American city. Anyone with the slightest bit of optimism in their heart will feel a serious pang of hope when they listen to this banger, and anyone with hate in their’s will definitely get off to a sound that’s Alice Cooper meeting the Chili Peppers.

7. Johnny B. Goode, Chuck Berry

You know it, you love it, and you wish you could play the guitar half this great. It’s tough to wrap your mind around the fact that a whole generation once rose their fists in outrage to songs this incredible, but luckily most of those folks came around. Get up and party like it’s 1958 (booze, cigars, and loose morals) because this song is going to take you places.

8. Sister Golden Hair, America

Then, take a seat because it’s time to feel some feelings. America (fuck yeah!) is a truly gifted group of lyricists. Sister Golden Hair, written by the great Gerry Beckley, tells all sorts of tales over a very Beatles-esque sound. A lot of groups tried to do the same, but few had as much success as this gem.

9. I’ll C U When U Get There, Coolio

If you told me Canon in D could be mixed to turn rap, I’d call you a liar. Then, I’d listen to some Coolio and eat those tasty words. This shit is hot. Another song of ghetto angst, it’s practically made for drinking and thinking.

10. Go Your Own Way, Fleetwood Mac

Finally, and I do mean finally, Fleetwood Mac cracks the list. This is a real roller-coaster of a track, flinging itself from the heart of rock and roll to the peaks of higher learning. Stevie Nix is easily one of the coolest leads to watch on stage or in an interview, and her range is clearly apparent in this late 70’s hit.

11. My Own Worst Enemy, Lit

Some folks are scratching their heads right now but, contrary to popular belief, Blink 182 had nothing to do with this song. Zilch. Nada. In fact, this is probably the only song by Lit that is good enough to be confused with a Blink 182 tune. They’re not a great band, but this one-hit wonder is the clear exception. It’s relatable, it’s catchy, and it pairs well with your seventh Natty Light.

12. Man of Constant Sorrow, Ralph Stanley

Although most folks became familiar with this tune thanks to The Soggy Bottom Boys (how great is the O Brother Where Art Thou soundtrack?) this song has been performed by a veritable who’s who of music greats. This version, given to us by the late Ralph Stanley, doesn’t necessarily have the pacing of its rendition in the Coen Brothers classic. You really can’t go wrong regardless of how you cut it because, sometimes, feeling bad can be downright good.

13. You Can Call Me Al, Paul Simon

The most upbeat song you’ll ever hear about a midlife crisis, plus a video featuring Chevy Chase and some pipsqueak. That’s what we call a win-win. If you’re partial to roly-poly little bat-faced girls (you know who you are, don’t try to deny it) try not to rush off to the bathroom before the song is through. The finale is the best part.

14. Something Like That, Tim McGraw

“Tim McGraw is just a pop star in a cowboy hat.” “Fuck PIKE.” “I sucked a dude’s dick at soccer camp okay!” That’s just a medley of things people who aren’t big on the idea of an artist switching genres will say. Personally, while I’m divided on Tim McGraw, I’m all in on this particular jam. It doesn’t move too fast and it conjures up memories of a simpler time when life was all about County Fairs and a little strange.

15. Don’t the Girls All Get Prettier At Closing Time, Mickey Gilley

Dude has a point.

Remember, be sure to leave your suggestions in the comments for a chance to be featured on next week’s edition. As always, don’t drink and drive.

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Karl Karlson is TFM's self-proclaimed cartoon expert and your best buddy. He resides in the mountains of NC where he wrestles black bears and attempts to grow a beard. Karl gave up liquor following an unfortunate incident involving tequila and a vacuum cleaner, but he isn't above a nice stout on the porch.

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