Ideal Songs For Porch Drinking, Part 21

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Nice Move

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You know how it goes. You’ve had a long week, rife with classes and work and other responsibilities, but all you want to do is crack a beer and get some sun. Luckily, your good buddy Karl is here to give you the new edition of Porch Jams, all handpicked from the annals of music to perfectly complement your porch brew experience.

Fan Favorites are picked from the top comment from the previous edition. My favorite is based on whichever suggested track I dig the most. Be sure to leave your own suggestions in the comments for a chance to be featured on next week’s list. Let’s crank some tunes.

Fan Favorite: Cocaine, Eric Clapton

Suggested by Will848484. Clapton is your dad’s favorite guitarist and the kind of guy you’d want to party with 15 years ago. The primary reason why, other than the fact that he’s even better on an acoustic guitar, is given away in the name of this track. Clapton and booger sugar go together like Cheap Trick and cheap women. It’s just so natural.

Karl’s Favorite: Heaven, Los Lonely Boys

Suggested by HeyArnold96. This song is so damn easy to listen to. Not much beats a cooler full of beer and some Latin-infused soft rock. I suggest immediately following it with “Redneck Yacht Club” (number 75) and “Reelin’ In The Years (number 71) if you’re looking to enter a state of complete musical relaxation.

1. Happy Hour Hero, moe.

I’d honestly never heard of moe before my main man Boosh wrote an article about jam bands. An hour at the Karl Computer had this song popping up thrice, so I knew it had to be featured. Something about that slick guitar and light horn accompaniment just makes me want to drink a river of beer and lay in the sun.

2. Wasn’t That A Party, The Irish Rovers

We’ve all had our share of ridiculous parties, and even if things go bad (not Baylor bad, mind you) you can always look back and say “wasn’t that a party?” The Rovers roots are strong here, blending their folk stylings with classic country tones. It’s a banger on the porch or at the pregame, so be sure to put on your drinking gloves.

3. Bloody Mary Morning, Willie Nelson

Another hangover anthem from my favorite Highwayman. It practically stomps your foot for you and complements a beer just as well as the eponymous cocktail. It makes me want to break out the old jug and play a tune. Leaving baby in L.A. is frat.

4. Who Shot Ya, The Notorious B.I.G.

Biggie’s biggest nut flex is a great way to piss off the house across the street, or relax with a funny smelling cigarette and a cold one. (Note: Karl does not endorse the use of illegal substances.) It stirred a lot of controversy in its day, but still bangs as hard as the day it was released.

5. No Sugar Tonight/New Mother Nature, The Guess Who

You’re getting two tracks for the click of one. I spoil you guys. The first half (No Sugar Tonight) sets a nice mellow tone before New Mother Nature bludgeons you with funky goodness. It’s your daily two scoops of excellence, ensuring the rest of your session will be perfect.

6. Party Time, T.G. Sheppard

T.G. Sheppard is more known for his painfully slow and incredibly racy tracks, but this one manages to pick up the tempo without losing any of the sex. It’s old country, the kind that’s dripping in sorrow and bad news women. It’s definitely not a skip if you’re all about T.G. Sheppard’s silky vocals and steel guitar.

7. Fuel, Metallica

Maybe you like your beer a little heavier. Maybe you want to show folks that you’re capable of enjoying a cold one while listening to Lars Ulrich make a drum into a WMD. Maybe you’re just inclined to the musical stylings of one of the greatest rock bands of all time. Either way, you’ll get a kick out of saying “Give me fuel, give me fire, give me that which I desire” for the next week.

8. New Year’s Day, Charlie Robison

A relaxing little ditty for your pounding head and screaming liver. Grab a little hair of the dog that bit you, have a nice beer dump, and turn this jam to a moderate volume. I always thought this song would be absolutely incredible for the opening credits of a Big Lebowski type movie.

9. Clint Eastwood, Gorillaz

A great tune to throw you back to your earlier days, I hope; otherwise your boy is getting old. Combining the best elements of the hip hop, rock, funk, and electronic genres, this song is pretty much a one way street to chilling. Keep your ears perked for that “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly” snippet that keeps popping up.

10. Poison, Bell Biv Devoe

It’s pretty damn funny that was once the song to play at every party in the nation. The way music ages, from big time bangers to low key little jams, is incredible. The song gave us the all-time advice to “never trust a big butt and a smile.”

11. Talk Dirty To Me, Poison

See what happened there? Funny, right? Someone dropped “Nothin’ But a Good Time” in the comments last week, and I was appalled that Poison has yet to make the list. Fuck you, Karl, you hack. One of the great hair bands brings the sex with this track. Air guitars should be on deck for it.

12. The Impression That I Get, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

The horns really make this song, but the overall feel is as jammy as possible. It’s a pretty solid lyrical piece as well, one that has some meaning beyond the music. It takes things well past mellow, and the rock elements set it apart from the rest of the genre.

13. Interstate Love Song, Stone Temple Pilots

Full disclosure: I usually can’t stand the STP. This song, and a couple others, are exceptions. It’s stylistically sounder than their other stuff, and plays well into the group’s distinct alt feel. It sets a good vibe that carries throughout, and lends itself to drinking like a fish to water.

14. The Man Who Sold The World, Nirvana

Just as a preemptive strike to the hordes that might think Nirvana isn’t frat in any way, that’s just, like, your opinion man. This song doesn’t go exceptionally hard in the paint (i.e. Lithium) which means it’s better suited to a couple brews than the gym. A little grunge is great for the soul, and in the end we’re all just trying to find Nirvana anyway.

15. Jammin, Bob Marley

This list really does need more reggae. Despite its reputation as the music of stoner GDIs, few things get me more relaxed than a little Bob and a lot of booze. Jammin’ is in our blood, as residents of the nation that spawned The Eagles and Eminem, so it’s only natural that this tune gets said blood pumping. I do like jammin’ too, Bob. Thanks for thinking of us.

Again, be sure to leave your suggestions in the comments for a chance to be featured on next week’s list. As always, don’t drink and drive.

While you’re at it, check us out on Spotify.

Karl Karlson is TFM's self-proclaimed cartoon expert and your best buddy. He resides in the mountains of NC where he wrestles black bears and attempts to grow a beard. Karl gave up liquor following an unfortunate incident involving tequila and a vacuum cleaner, but he isn't above a nice stout on the porch.

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