Idiot Columnist Hates Fraternities Because His Son Was a Drug Dealer

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Stan Voit is a columnist for the Mountain Press. Stan Voit was not in a fraternity. Stan Voit hates fraternities. Why does Stan Voit hate fraternities? Well essentially because fraternity men drink (a horror that he has witnessed with his own eyes) and because his son once joined a fraternity and became a drug dealer. Voit recently had his distaste for fraternities reaffirmed in the wake of the Pike butt chugging scandal, so he decided to give his (totally informed) views on fraternity life. Let’s breakdown Stan Voit’s column, shall we? It’s a good one.

On fraternities …

When I was in high school I got to attend a party at my brother’s University of Alabama frat house. I had hung around the house from time to time and knew a lot of the members, but had never attended a party.

You got to go to your big brother’s fraternity house and party with all his cool older friends, many of whom you knew and assumed were nice guys? This sounds awesome! Who could possibly find this scenario unenjoyable?

And never did again.

Oh, right, a total hard on would find that unenjoyable.

It was little more than an excuse for college kids to drink beer, lose control and act inappropriately.

Excuse me sir, but a party is not “little more than an excuse for college kids to drink beer, lose control and act inappropriately.” A party IS EXACTLY AN EXCUSE for college kids to drink beer, lose control, and act inappropriately. It’s a party. What in the hell did you expect? And that’s not exclusive to fraternities and sororities either. We just do it better.

But wait; maybe there was more than the beer drinking that disgusted him? He said people were acting inappropriately. That could mean a lot of things. I assume he saw something that was truly disturbing enough for him to forever view fraternities in a negative light. Was there some sickening hazing ritual going on? Let me guess, you watched your brother duct tape sandpaper to the pledges’ hands and force them to elephant walk in the snow until they all had, as your brother put it, “smooth, icy boners.” Did that happen? That would scar me for life too.

Beer and liquor were everywhere, including the bathroom tub.

My God!?! In the bathtub!?! Those HOOLIGANS! Everyone knows that bathtubs are for baths! Not beverages! What sort of monsters would so grossly misuse a bathtub? If you were wearing a monocle when you stumbled upon the booze filled tub I assume it fell out due to pure shock. I also assume you were a weird and lame enough high schooler to have had a monocle phase.

If your concerns were of sanitary nature, don’t worry. If it was some sort of bathtub gin scenario then all the alcohol would have killed the gonorrhea that your brother and his friends had jizzed into the tub throughout the week…probably.

A uniformed officer stood outside, but I don’t know why; he was no deterrent.

(*17-year-old runs outside, bewildered by the party, sees police officer*)

“Officer! Thank God you’re here! I need your help! There are kids in there drinking and shouting! Shouting far louder than is appropriate for an indoor setting! There’s liquor in the bathtub and no inhibitions at all! Please we need adult supervision ASAP!”

I did not join a fraternity when I went to college.

So I mostly have no idea what I’m talking about.

My son did. When he transferred from a junior college to Auburn I thought he might benefit from joining a frat.

I’m also a gigantic hypocrite.

What a terrible mistake.

Aaaaand I’m back.

I should have had my father privileges revoked. When he finally escaped — OK, left —

LAWL

he had lived on the dark side of alcohol, drugs, hazing and even some two-bit drug dealing.

Oh your son was a drug dealer? Was that part of pledge process or was it an officer position in his demon fraternity? It has to be one of those two fraternity endorsed options because obviously dealing drugs wasn’t totally and completely HIS CHOICE.

What exactly does “two-bit drug dealing” entail, by the way? Was he just selling some Addy? Or was he slangin’ dime bags to his stoner brothers? The language used in the this article might be the most telling sign that the writer is far too out of touch with, well, everything, to make a legitimate argument against fraternities.

Two-bit? You make your son sound like a back alley snitch who’s being strong armed by a private detective in some black and white, b-movie noir.

“Listen here ya two-bit dope dealer. You gimme the juice or I’ll give ya the squeeze, see? There’s a dame down at the docks who just hopped on the midnight train to worm-ville and she had your stuff on her. Now you better start squawkin’ like a parrot or I’ll give ya a crack, for her.”

He is not free of personal responsibility, but he was encouraged in that lifestyle by kids who were older and presumably more mature.

You’re right; he’s not free of personal responsibility. In fact he’s VERY MUCH responsible for his actions. He chose to drink to excess. He chose to do drugs. He chose to haze. He CERTAINLY chose to deal drugs.

I am not going to argue that getting in with a bad crowd doesn’t influence people. It absolutely can and does. Here’s the problem though, people can still make up their own mind. In fact, your son chose to join this fraternity in the first place, so what does that say about him? If this house is really as bad as you claim it is then he probably saw some warning signs before joining.

You claim kids who were “older and presumably more mature” encouraged your son, but you said he transferred to Auburn from a junior college. So your son had to be at least a sophomore, right? Possibly even a junior? In other words he didn’t join the fraternity as an impressionable, completely clueless 18-year-old. Give me a fucking break. Stop blaming other people for your son’s mistakes.

I made my fair share of mistakes in college, from semesters with terrible grades to a run in or two with the law. All of those were the result of MY ACTIONS and MY CHOICES. There were times when my fraternity had varying levels of responsibility, whether they were distractions or motivations, but I put in the effort to make those mistakes. I actively made those mistakes. Better judgment on my part would have allowed me to avoid them. There was no one to blame but myself. So you can either blame your son for making those mistakes or blame your son for being too stupid to think for himself. If anything that’s why your father privileges should be revoked.

I am not sure what parents should expect when they send their children to college and allow them to join a fraternity, a place where kids supervise kids and where adult supervision is somewhere else.

Kids supervising kids, how terrible! If we want our kids to grow up right then it’s important that adults supervise them until all the adults are literally dead.

Fraternities are havens for alcohol abuse and bad behavior. For all the good they claim to do, and for the social benefits that exist, it’s all undone by what goes on at the end of the week.

Yes, all the money we raise for charity evaporates when people pour jungle juice into a bathtub and assholes like your son start selling drugs on the side.

There are no accurate statistics on fraternity misbehavior,

Holy shit, if there was a Fangraphs type site for fraternity misbehavior I would be GLUED to it all day. In fact I’m petitioning the TFM bosses that we hire a couple stat majors and start coming up with fraternity misbehavior sabermetrics.

The primary measurement of a fraternity man’s ability to rage will be RAG: Rage Above Geed. McCoy is at least a 10, the Mike Trout of RAG if you will. He’s a five tool rager.

just anecdotal evidence and the frequent news reports that document the scary details of frat life. The UT student treated in the hospital disputes the account provided by police of what happened to him, but he does not dispute that he drank to excess in the fraternity that night — despite being under 21 and under the supervision — so to speak — of fraternity officers.

He also does not dispute that those actions were the result of his own choices, by the way. He took personal responsibility for his dipshit behavior. His family isn’t blaming the fraternity either.

Fraternities are breeding grounds for alcoholics.

They’re also where alcoholics breed.

(*winks, points finger at no one in particular*)

They are not places where students can do their best studying and make progress toward a degree, which is the purpose of going to college.

(*coughs*) Fraternities have a higher GPA than the all campus and all male average at nearly every university in the country. (*coughs*) ……. (*coughs*) Blow me. (*coughs*)

The university has disbanded the fraternity that hosted the party that led to the ER visit by the student. If it has that kind of authority, it also can crack down on fraternity misconduct in general and stop condoning such activity until some frat house goes too far and tragedy happens.

The University of Tennessee suspended the Pike house; they did not disband it. The university does crack down on fraternity misconduct in general, that’s what the butt chugging situation was. It’s not like UT has a special ass play section in their student handbook, though they might now.

Universities also enact preventative measures all the time in regards to fraternity and sorority misbehavior. What they can’t do is anticipate the completely random actions of individuals, whether those actions are shoving something up one’s ass or becoming a degenerate, two-bit drug dealer.

Fraternities may have enabled the alleged butt chugger and your son, but they didn’t force anything. When I was a rush chair I learned quite a few things. One was that joining a fraternity is a responsibility. If you don’t think your son is responsible enough to handle it, then don’t let him. They, and the fraternity, will be much better off.

Oh, also, whatever happened to your brother and his fraternity? Or did his normal and enjoyable experience not fit in with all the points you were trying to make? How inconvenient.

[Source]

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Bacon

Bacon is Director of Video Content and a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. His fake best-selling novel series, The Frat Romance Novel, has been self-described as a "pioneering achievement in satirical erotica." Bacon is originally from St. Louis, and currently lives in Austin, Texas. He still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living, and is prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co

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  1. 1
    Frat Master Flex

    The issue here is not whether fraternities break a few rules, or take a few liberties with our female party guests, we do. But you can’t hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn’t we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn’t this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? Isn’t this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we’re not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 0
      Marlboro Man

      Fraternities are breeding grounds for alcoholics
      – They’re also where alcoholics breed!
      Fuckin hilarious Bacon keep up the good work. #TeamBacon

      ….Sometimes Addy’s are the best thing keeping the intelligent productive

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  2. 0
    BossMan DubC

    As a Fraternity Alumni who has a degree in Chemical Engineering, I usually had the responsibility of mixing the trashcan/bathtub hooch. I now have a beautiful busty KD Alum girlfriend, I am going to grad school to be a college administrator (Dean of Science or Greek Life Director), and Fuck this guy.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago

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