Idiot Student To Job Recruiter: Will Getting This Job Ruin My Love Life?

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Nice Move

By the time you are an upperclassman or a postgrad, you’re used to the occasional interaction with job recruiters about how to make it in the real world (unless, of course, you’re an English major). These conversations can be both therapeutic and rejuvenating. “Yes, thank God,” you probably say to yourself. “Somebody out there wants me.” You may even think that the recruiter is your friend who has your best interest at heart.

Wrong.

The following letter has gone viral among the Wall Street bros. In it, a graduate student from UW- Milwaukee asks a Wall Street job recruiter some detailed questions about the trade off between having a job and having a love life. The letter itself is so stupid that it’s heartbreaking.

From: REDACTED
Sent: Tuesday, October 01, 2013 11:06 PM
To: REDACTED
Subject: Question

Hey REDACTED,

We talked a couple weeks back at the UW-Milwaukee accounting night. (I was the one looking for equity research positions and had a zit on my lip that could have passed for a cold sore. Lol. Whew. It was not. You’re probably like, “uh.. What?” Maybe that helps you recall, maybe not. Not completely important, I suppose.)

Anyways, if you have a chance here is my question: (background first) I interviewed with BDO and Baker Tilly today, two firms that seem like good places to work, I believe they don’t kill you like a big 4. Tomorrow I have an interview with Deloitte :O somewhere I thought I’ve always wanted to work. Obviously I don’t have an offer so this is all hypothetical thinking, but if I get the job, the reality of the situation is that I’m getting old. 25. I know you can’t force love and I know it just comes when you’re not looking, but would working for a big four completely squash any possibilities for potential relationships if one came along? Is working for a big four a potential career – love trade off? I mean, I like money(as do most females) but love is…great 🙂 What are your thoughts?

Thanks!

REDACTED

Sent from my iPhone

I know it goes without saying, but here are some important guidelines to follow when you’re out there trying to sell yourself as a hirable employee:

1. No emoticons.

2. Do not ask potential employers about how a certain job will affect your love life.

3. Change the automatic signature from “Sent from my iPhone” to something you’d actually want in a signature.

4. Never EVER include a sentence that could be misconstrued as Valley Girl dialogue. Example: “You’re probably like, uh.. what?”

5. Saying “Lol” in a professional email is like saying “bomb” in an airport.

6. “I was the one with the zit on my lip that looked like a cold sore.” This sentence is even weird to say to a doctor. Don’t remind people who you are with your noticeable dermatological flaws.

Please, do not forget these important rules. Take some notes from the idiot above, and never treat a job recruiter as your friend. It could be catastrophic to your future.

[via BroBible]

Image via Invest Smart

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