I like to imagine that if one was to ask this kid what in the hell he thought he was doing when he posted a sweet mirror selfie and ridiculous note addressed to the ladies of Mizzou’s incoming freshman class on the Mizzou Class of 2017 Facebook page, he would defiantly assert through gritted teeth that he was trying to “announce his presence with authority,” a la Nuke LaLoosh in the classic baseball film Bull Durham. Here’s hoping that the rest of his class, or at least his new teammates and coaching staff, will serve as the Crash Davis in this scenario.
In other words, someone needs to knock this kid down a peg or two. Here’s the picture and note, which was reposted to be mocked on the Facebook page Overheard at Mizzou:
Well that’s a whole lot of tool wrapped up in a relatively brief post. How conflicted was this kid about whether or not to take this picture shirtless? I can only imagine how long he wrestled with the pros and cons of that and other factors while setting up this picture.
Should I go shirtless or no? I mean, will the hat alone properly convey that I play baseball and am therefore a level one BAMF? BAMF, lol, I’m gonna listen to some more Dane Cook later. I wanna show off my bod, but if I wear the jersey then the ladies will DEFINITELY know I’m on the team. I bet they’ll be so horny that we’ll have to keep ’em out of the stadium so they don’t cause a rain delay. BOOM! GOD I’M AWESOME. Maybe if I lift the jersey half way up? Show a little skin, but still let ’em know I’ve got all the gear. Dammit! This is easily the hardest decision I’ve had to make in weeks. What face should I make? Straight badass? Give a little smirk? SHIT THIS IS HARD! I know one thing for sure though, I’m definitely taking this pic with a tilt. That’s a no brainer. Bitches love diagonal angles.
What’s the over/under on the number of pictures he took before he settled on this one? I’m setting it at 4.5. I’m also taking the over.
There was some debate in the comments about whether or not this post was a joke, but from what I could gather it seems that the posting was in fact legitimate, soo… Yeah.
Of course the best part about this post is the kid’s (presumably) self appointed nickname, “Kickstand.” Why Kickstand? One can only guess, really. Is it in reference to having a huge dong? Is it…actually, who am I kidding? This dude totally refers to himself as Kickstand because he thinks he has a huge dong. I hope he’s not an infielder, because I imagine jamming that sea monster into a cup cannot be comfortable.
Everyone at Mizzou watch out for the newest campus badass next fall, he goes by Kickstand, plays baseball, and takes sweet mirror selfies. I hope he’s self-aware enough to realize that when your BP coach is drilling you in the back on the first day of practice, it probably means you’re an asshole.
To be fair though, and to quote Bull Durham once again, maybe the kid won’t do so badly. After all, “the world is made for people who aren’t cursed with self-awareness.”
Unfortunately it looks like this was all done sarcastically, which is a bummer, because people like this actually existing makes my sad world a little brighter. Still though, according to a source the kid apparently enjoys trolling the shit out of other pages like this one, in pretty much the exact same manner. That is actually pretty hilarious. Well played sir. I’m going to go take a few laps.