Indiana Lawmaker Claims More Guns = Less Campus Rape

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Nice Move

In a statement to the Associated Press State Senator Jim Banks suggested that the expansion of campus carry allowances is necessary to student safety. However, rather strangely, he specifically extended this argument to reference sexual assault, a realm of crimes where the victim often knows the attacker and, in all likelihood, would probably be pretty hesitant to shoot them.

I think it’s safe to say State Senator Banks is making some logical leaps here that the average person may be uncomfortable with. The good senator has recently begun a push to arm students across the state of Indiana, in a move that he hopes will lower campus crime rates and help prevent sexual assaults.

Banks had this to say on the issue, “That’s what’s compelling about this issue, is how many female students there are around the state, who have very specific and real reasons to be afraid for their own safety on their campus,” he said. “The number of sexual assault cases on campuses is alarming.”

To summarize, his idea to reduce the number of rapes on campuses is to give communities that have thousands of drunk students every weekend guns. This can only end well.

While I agree with the sentiment that more can be done to help prevent sexual assault on our campuses, I think there are about 100 other things you could get to before a literal “War on Rape.” Should this come to pass, I now imagine all future potential sexual assaults playing out like this:

___

(*guy takes girl home, both are visibly intoxicated*)

Drunk Guy: Hey, lesh have shex.

Drunk Girl: Nooooo.

(*drunk guy gets naked anyway*)

(*girl freaks out, pulls her handgun on him, shoot his dick off*)

___

That might not have been the most graceful execution of “The Naked Man,” but it didn’t deserve a bullet to the dick.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am one of the biggest proponents of the second amendment that you will find, but as you can see here in my hastily constructed, poorly reasoned argument which might have been inspired by the esteemed Jim Banks’ hastily constructed, poorly reasoned argument: arming students causes guys to get their dicks shot off by drunk girls. I think it’s probably safer if we don’t legally fill an environment that frequently includes drunk 18-20 somethings, who may become extremely irrational if they get a little too much liquor in them, with firearms.

[via The Huffington Post and SFGate.com]

Image via Bigwowo.com

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