Indiana Unveils New Hideous Football Helmets

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The last time Bloomington, Indiana saw this big of a choke job, coach Bobby Knight’s hands were meeting the business end of the late guard Neil Reed’s oxygen pipes.

This is why Adidas should never be allowed to have any part in the football uniform process. Seriously, all Adidas gridiron getups are terrible. Even when I see an iconic program like Notre Dame or Michigan rock the Adidas logo, all I can think of is that Nike would make those threads so much better.

Millions of research and development dollars were likely spent on this garbage, and they could not come up with the most obvious of designs: a single all-white helmet with the traditional IU logo.

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This helmet purports to be a crimson and white version of the Indiana state flag. New Big Ten member Maryland infamously popularized the trend of placing gaudy state flags on helmets. College football’s newfound infatuation with American history is absurd. The fact that the teams residing in the states with the most badass flags (Alabama, Ohio, and Texas) abstain from this behavior should be a major signifier to the rest of the 47: Putting your inferior state banners on your football helmets is dorky.

It gets worse.

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The worst sin of all is Indiana tainting the iconic Assembly Hall warmups look by replacing cream with chrome.

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While the team hasn’t mattered since Antwaan Randel El, I always loved the interlocked I and U. Without the U, this new empty design only reaffirms one thing: when it comes to football, the “I” in “IU” stands for “Irrelevant.”

The new designs were unveiled to the public Monday morning courtesy of the most awe-inspiringly awful hype video ever. A montage of bumbling white receivers making routine 5-yard slant patterns were set eerily similar to the tune of Catch Me If You Can, and the moment that best symbolizes the fate of the IU football program comes at the half-minute mark. Check out the dude in the front row who passes out after seeing the new uniforms, and is probably begging people to not resuscitate him. It’s like a one-man impression of a Bad Luck Brian meme. “Got Sports Scholarship From Indiana. In Football.”

[via IU Hoosiers]

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