Interview With Playboy Poker Player Dan Bilzerian, Whose Instagram Will Make You Hate Your Pathetic Life

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A man that seems more mythological than mortal, Dan Bilzerian has been vastly approaching levels of success, fame, and sheer awesomeness achieved by very few before him. He served four years in the Navy, he’s acted in and produced movies, including Lone Survivor, and he’s earned over $50 million as a professional poker player. His accomplishments only tell a fraction of the Bilzerian story, however. What he does off the screen and away from the poker table have been making waves as tall as his stack of chips. And he has a beard that just won’t fucking quit.

Evidence of Bilzerian’s riches and lavish lifestyle culminates in the form of his Instagram account, where he recently passed one million followers. Beware browsing his photos–you’re likely to waste a lot of time and realize how shitty your life really is.

I had the opportunity to interview Dan. Enjoy:

If someone visited your Instagram page without having any idea who you were first, they’re likely to come away with the impression that you have the greatest life of any man in America. Would they leave it with an accurate perception of your lifestyle?

It’s better than I ever dreamed it would be.

What percentage of the candid shots you post to Instagram are staged? This one, for example–did you set this up or do you really just have gorgeous women with ridiculous asses bending over in front of you on a private jet?

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Almost all the pics I take are organic in the sense that it’s a slice of what I’m doing at the moment. I always say that life is all in the setup. That being said, there is some work getting lots of new hot girls around for events, because getting hot girls together is like herding cats.

A. Did this girl learn how to swim? B. Did you have sex with her? And C. Did she keep the floaties on for it?

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A. Good enough. B. Yes, I find it’s in poor taste to take a solo pic of a girl you have not had sex with. It’s like posting a picture of another man’s watch. C. The floaties proved to be useless.

As a poker player, would you agree with the statement “Money won is twice as sweet as money earned”? Or do you consider poker a career, thus the money you win is actually “earned”?

I believe the exact opposite. Gambling ruins your value of money.

If you do enjoy your poker earnings like money won, or “found money,” is that at least part of the reason you spend it on such cool shit?

I believe in using money to improve your quality of life.

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Let’s talk more about the “found money” theory. Back in 2009, I won 10 grand in one weekend playing online poker. I blew basically all of it on a new laptop and a Vegas/national championship game in Pasadena combo trip with my boys that I’ll forever be trying to top. That’s just 10 grand, man. You’ve won over $50 million playing poker, right? I don’t even know what my question is, but tell me about having fun with money you win playing cards.

I’m at a point now where when I win it doesn’t affect my life at all. When I was in college, I remember how meaningful winning was because everything was in real world terms, like I just won a motorcycle or a m3.

Do you enjoy tournaments or cash games more?

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Cash.

What’s the most you’ve ever bought in for, cash game or tourney? Most you’ve walked away with in one sitting?

$10 million buy-in. The most won in a night was $12 million.

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I’m a big Phil Ivey fan. He seems to have incredible poker instincts. And his face. He never changes his fucking expression. Which professional poker player(s) do you respect most?

Him, he’s an animal.

You’ve accomplished a lot already in your life. Aside from the poker success, you served four years in the Navy and you’ve acted in and produced movies, including Lone Survivor. Which accomplishments are you most proud of?

My poker success.

This girl has a really good looking butt. This isn’t a question. I just wanted to tell you that the girl hanging out topless at your house looks good from behind. Probably does from the front, too. Nice work.

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Thank you.

Who are all these hot women I see you hanging out with? Where do they come from?

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Friends of friends, promoters, photo shoots, etc.

Do you plan on settling down with one of these girls any time soon? Or settling down in general? Please say no.

I don’t understand what you mean by “settle down with one girl.” Haha, jk, but seriously I’ve learned anything is possible in life. Don’t say never.

Let’s say I got to shadow you during a standard weekend in Vegas with your friends. I then got to write a Dan Bilzerian exposé about everything I witnessed over the course of that weekend. Would I be able to show my mom the article?

Depends on your mother, even porn stars have kids. No offense.

How do you maintain that illustrious beard? Do you sculpt it with a chainsaw? It’s almost pointy.

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Haha I trim it every five days with clippers. I gotta take some pride in it. I was once offered 100k to shave it and I turned it down.

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Don’t forget to follow Dan on Instagram and Twitter (@DanBilzerian), and if you ever end up at the wrong poker table, don’t get involved in a hand with him.

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