I won’t lie to you, when I first read this headline, my immediate thought was I can’t believe someone made a product that enables women to stick vials of alcohol up inside their vaginas to sneak into ball games.
Similar to the Freedom Flask, this is the female version of crotchal alcohol concealing. Except this one is way more over-the-top, because the Freedom Flask just acts as a man’s penis. The tampon flask actually goes all up inside the vagina. Then I thought, no fucking way.
Because A) that’s excessive. I mean, are there women out there that are really willing to go this far for some mid-game booze? B) How are you going to find a girl that is not only willing to conceal your alcohol up her vagina for you, but is also cool enough that you’d want to sit with her during a football game? C) She’s gonna have to wear a skirt, right? It’s too risky to just drop trou in front of countless watchful eyes to squirt some bourbon out of her vagina. Plus, it’ll look like she’s pissing in your Coke. That’s not a good look. And D) That shit’s pretty nasty.
It turns out my initial thoughts regarding the tampon flask were pretty dumb. Why would a chick stick a flask up her most holiest of holes when all she has to do is stick it inside a tampon wrapper? Because there is no reason for a gate checker person to investigate some tampons, right?
So yeah, that’s what they are — tampon-shaped plastic flasks that fit inside tampon wrappers, then they just go inside a purse.
Genius. American ingenuity on full display.
[via Sports Illustrated]