Introducing The Tampon Flask, Used To Sneak Booze Into Ball Games

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I won’t lie to you, when I first read this headline, my immediate thought was I can’t believe someone made a product that enables women to stick vials of alcohol up inside their vaginas to sneak into ball games.

Similar to the Freedom Flask, this is the female version of crotchal alcohol concealing. Except this one is way more over-the-top, because the Freedom Flask just acts as a man’s penis. The tampon flask actually goes all up inside the vagina. Then I thought, no fucking way.

Because A) that’s excessive. I mean, are there women out there that are really willing to go this far for some mid-game booze? B) How are you going to find a girl that is not only willing to conceal your alcohol up her vagina for you, but is also cool enough that you’d want to sit with her during a football game? C) She’s gonna have to wear a skirt, right? It’s too risky to just drop trou in front of countless watchful eyes to squirt some bourbon out of her vagina. Plus, it’ll look like she’s pissing in your Coke. That’s not a good look. And D) That shit’s pretty nasty.

It turns out my initial thoughts regarding the tampon flask were pretty dumb. Why would a chick stick a flask up her most holiest of holes when all she has to do is stick it inside a tampon wrapper? Because there is no reason for a gate checker person to investigate some tampons, right?

So yeah, that’s what they are — tampon-shaped plastic flasks that fit inside tampon wrappers, then they just go inside a purse.

tampon-flask1

Genius. American ingenuity on full display.

[via Sports Illustrated]

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Roger_Dorn

Roger Dorn (@RogerJDorn) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. He's a native Texan with a full head of hair and knows his way around a nice box of red wine. Dorn graduated (BBA) with a GPA sitting in the meaty part of the bell curve, not lagging behind, but not trying to show off, either. Golf is his game now. He's long off the tee but can't putt for shit. Email: dillon@grandex.co

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  1. 6
    Tucker

    I have two go to flasks. A oversized Belt bucket that is a flask that will just snap off any normal belt that ill then just put in a pocket. And a tie flask. The tie basically has a Camelback like pouch inside of it.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 1 year ago

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