This guy up here on the wakeboard getting absolutely split in half by a post. Is he okay? I don’t think he’s okay. It’s very doubtful he’s okay. Maybe a 10% chance he’s okay. Did he die? He didn’t die I hope. Nah, he was likely floating face down and motionless soon after impact, but he didn’t die. But he could be bleeding internally, and his ribs might have shattered into a million pieces. Just a chest cavity filled with bone shards and punctured vital organs.
The last time we analyzed the physical condition of a spring breaker attempting a dangerous stunt, it was the Texas A&M student who jumped several stories from a hotel balcony into a shallow swimming pool. I broke down the leap and concluded that he must have landed feet-first in the pool and bounced his face off his knees, completely severing his skull from his spine, killing him instantly.
He died, sadly. RIP Jack. Okay not really. Dude not only lived, he was totally fine. Even walked away from the pool and woke up next to two blondes the following morning (seriously, read the column).
Back to the wakeboarder. Let’s watch the video:
BOOM. There’s a post there, dude. It’s big, it’s sticking out of the water, and it’s directly in the middle of the route that you are inexplicably taking. He looks like a lanky wide receiver going over the middle in the Sean Taylor era.
Man bun with a perfect pitch tbh.
Let’s talk about the post. He had to be aware of it. It’s large and in plain sight. My diagnosis is this: He was so disgusted with himself at dropping Sunshine’s perfectly tossed beer that his subsequent wallowing in shame and disappointment destroyed all his focus and spacial awareness. Rib cage, meet post.
Someone update us and let me know if this dude is okay, laying in a hospital bed, at home in a full torso cast, or dead. So I can send flowers..