ISIS Allegedly Has Jets Now, It’s About To Get The Beat Down

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I swear this is not a joke. It’s utterly hilarious, but I promise that, even though this is a humor site, I’m not making this up to get a laugh out of you. ISIS allegedly has three military aircrafts, and it’s attempting to train pilots to fly them.

Is that not the funniest shit you’ve read all day?

According to unconfirmed reports, the three planes are located at the Al-Jarrah airbase outside of Aleppo, Syria. It’s not known what kind of planes they are or what their capabilities are, but, allegedly, they exist, they’re in ISIS hands, and they’re at that airbase.

Assuming that ISIS does, in fact, have those planes, there are a lot of questions we have to ask ourselves. Can ISIS actually train pilots? Does it have the maintenance personnel to keep the aircraft up and running? Do these planes pose a significant threat to American and allied forces in the region?

As for the first two questions, the answer is maybe. There is speculation that former Iraqi Air Force officers who are trained pilots may have joined ISIS. If that’s the case, then there’s also a reasonable chance that some former maintainers also joined up. If not, then ISIS is going to have one hell of a time. Learning to fly isn’t easy, and if you want to train people from scratch, it’ll take a lot of time, money, and resources to get it done.

As for the third question, I think it’s safe to say the answer is a resounding “hell the fuck no.” Don’t get me wrong here. I’m not talking shit on ISIS’s ability as fighters. If you’ve read or watched the news lately, you’ve certainly seen that it’s doing some major damage over there against the Iraqi military. But against American air assets? You’ve got to be kidding me.

If you have to respect anything about whoever decides to hop in one of those ISIS planes and take off, respect his batshit crazy bravery. The United States has owned the skies for roughly 70 years. Our military is good at a lot of things, but damn, our men and women in the air can kick some serious ass. Moreover, most pilots in the military who’ve trained to shoot down enemy aircraft have never had the chance to. They’re all itching to go. So if you want to play with the big boys, ISIS, you’d better bring your A game.

Seriously, what outcome is ISIS expecting? We’ve been using both ground and carrier-based aircraft to blow the shit out of them for weeks. I’m talking F-22s and F-18s, guys. Real top-of-the-line stuff. This is just an assumption, but I’m guessing any aircraft ISIS has are some old, Cold War era, Soviet-made birds. I’m no expert on military aviation or anything like that, but I can assure you that anyone with even the most limited knowledge of the subject would tell you that its aircraft are clearly outclassed by ours.

That said, none of this is official. There has yet to be any official confirmation of an aircraft in ISIS hands. U.S. Central Command, the command that overseas the Middle East, isn’t too worried about it either way.

From CNN:

“We’re not aware of ISIL conducting any flight operations in Syria or elsewhere,” said spokesman Col. Patrick Ryder.

“We continue to keep a close eye on ISIL activity in Syria and Iraq and will continue to conduct strikes against their equipment, facilities, fighters and centers of gravity, wherever they may be.”

So, if airstrikes raining fire from above aren’t enough for you and you want some air-to-air action, just know you’re going up against the reigning champs, ISIS. Our fighter pilots will put on a clinic for you up there.

Shit. It’s like they’ve never heard the phrase “Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight.”

Fuck terrorism.

[via CNN]

Image via Wikimedia Commons

BlutarskyTFM (@BlutoGrandex) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems, the self-appointed Senior Military Analyst for TFM News, founder of the #YesAllMenWhoWearHawaiianShirts Movement, and, on an unrelated note, a huge fan of buffets. While by no means an athletic man, he was the four-square champion of his elementary school in 1997. When not writing poorly organized columns or cracking stupid, inappropriate jokes on Twitter, Bluto pretends to be well-read, finds excuses not to exercise, and actually has a real job.

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