Johnny, Johnny, Johnny. On Tuesday afternoon,
Tony Montana Manziel hopped on a commercial flight from Houston to Cabo San Lucas for what could only be described as a vacation from vacation. I don’t think the kid has been in a weight room since 2015, and that receding hairline is only getting worse from the constant drug use and total lack of sleep. Every time he pops up in the news, he’s in Los Angeles or Vegas telling a reporter he’s “just having fun” and “everything is going to work out.”
Look, I get it. Everyone needs a break from the bright lights of Vegas, L.A., and Cleveland — they’re exhausting cities to live in. They’re all cesspools in their own right that can make even make a seasoned party veteran like Johnny Football get tired. Anyone who doesn’t understand that Cabo is better than any city in the U.S. clearly has never done nose coffee south of the border. It’s cheaper. It’s purer. It’s just better when you’re sitting poolside with 20 other people who were willing to rent a mansion under the assumption that Manziel, or someone from his entourage, would be footing the bill for blowcaine the entirety of the trip.
Everyone is talking about this guy. If he dies this weekend, he dies. According to TMZ, Johnny’s not doing any drugs in Mexico and he’s going completely sober starting July 1st. So good news, guys. He’ll probably be slinging the pill for an NFL team come August. I wouldn’t worry about it..
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