Greek Week is meant to be a time for celebration with your fraternity brothers, all in an effort to defeat the other houses like a losers they are. It’s also a time to impress your Greek life administrators in hopes that your probation will be lifted. Ah, who am I kidding? Greek Week is a time to fuck around and get yourself into trouble–just ask the Kappa Sigmas at Salisbury University.
In what can only be described as must-see entertainment, some newly initiated Kappa Sigma brothers were on stage, most likely performing some kosher, boring dance routine to the admiration of Greek life. What no one knew was that they had a devious plan to turn it into a softcore porn reenactment. At least, that’s my guess.
The brothers invited some random girls onto the stage at one point during their performance and began simulating the intricate act of masturbation. After a while of some imaginary five knuckle shuffle, the boys broke out some whipped cream cans and released their filthiest desires onto the faces of the three girls, predictably prompting outrage from the Greek administrators who were assuredly jealous and secretly turned on.
While the chapter itself suspended the members involved for a year, the university had to remind them who had the bigger dick–Salisbury slapped some sanctions of its own on top.
Dane Foust, vice president of student affairs at Salisbury University, sent out the following statement to students in a campus-wide email.
On Tuesday evening, a student organization participated in a variety show for an audience of fraternity and sorority members where female students on stage and other attendees were subjected to behaviors that many deem to be demeaning and sexually graphic. These incidents are taken seriously by Salisbury University.
An investigation of the allegations has begun to determine the group’s and individual members’ responsibility in accordance with campus standards including the Student Code of Conduct and sexual harassment policies. The organization, Kappa Sigma fraternity, has been placed on interim suspension pending a full review, and its national organization has been notified.
The University values each and every member of our community and expects behaviors that represent the campus, the organization and the individual to be at the highest levels. Actions that are found to be in violation of the campus policies will be dealt with appropriately and will not be tolerated.
As usual, nationals will get involved and most likely revoke social privileges for a semester or come up with some other overblown punishment.
Keep it classy, boys.