Kid Makes Video Begging Kate Upton To Murder Him After Every Girl At School Rejects Him For Prom

Email this to a friend

Nice Move

Screen Shot 2015-04-21 at 3.10.39 PM

It’s that time of year again. That roughly month long season where every attention seeking high school or college buffoon makes a video asking some celebrity to their prom or formal with hopes of it going viral. Shit was played out about five years ago, but like clockwork, kids keep throwing up these desperate Hail Marys onto Youtube and get about 44 views. If your goal is to show how pathetic and worthless your life truly is, it’s a fantastic idea.

Our boy, James, realized that and decided to go another route.

Nailed it. The music, the unconfident, trembling voice and creepy smile all tied in with the overall message asking Kate Upton to end his shitty existence put a refreshing new spin on an otherwise stale concept.

It needs to be said that if you’re going to have Kate Upton brutally murder you, that shit needs to be death by suffocation. You know what I’m talking about.

Also, I touched base on this yesterday, but prom is one of the most overrated milestones in life. For all of you chumps that can’t lock down a date, don’t sweat it. I’d actually advise skipping the whole thing altogether and meeting everyone at the after party. I did the whole prom thing, had the eye candy wrapped around the arm, and guess what? It still wasn’t worth it.


Forget that my date left half way through to console her crying drunk friend, or that my recently purchased BMW 3 Series (used) broke down in the parking lot, prom itself is just a miserable experience. Yeah, it was a blast sweating in the 100 degree heat in my white tux as we took 7,000 photos outside the venue for two hours. Nothing more enjoyable than having your 75-year-old golf coach frisking you for booze the moment you actually step foot into the banquet hall. Oh, what’s that? We’re taking 4,000 more photos inside for the next hour or so? Awesome. Finally, we’re sitting down for dinner. No, I ordered the steak. You’re going to honestly stand there with a straight face and tell me I ordered the vegetarian plate? Well, looks like I’m not eating. Dance floor it is. Do you know where my date went? Oh, Jackie’s hysterically crying because she’s flying solo? Still don’t know why that’s my problem. My date left with her. Matt, do you still have that crotch flask you snuck in full of Old Crow? Yeah, let’s go drink in the bathroom.

Prom sucks.

Image via Vidme


You must be logged in to comment. Log in or create an account.

Click to Read Comments (41)