6 Last Minute Halloween Costumes Guaranteed To Get You Laid, From A Girl

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2016 halloween costumes get laid

There’s an obvious difference in appreciation for Halloween when it comes to guys and girls. For me, as a girl, it is my favorite holiday. I absolutely LIVE for Halloween, as do most college-aged girls who don’t have horrific bodies. And our favorite part? Couples costumes.

Sure, girl’s who claim they “gag” at couples costumes will also swear up and down that all they need is a good squad costume. Those are the same girls that would ditch their friends to become a slutty blind mice duo if they were able to lock down a guy last minute. It’s who we are. We choose a cute picture with a guy over a cute picture with our girls every time. It makes us feel superior. Every sorority girl has friends, but not every sorority girl can manipulate her pitcher of the week to dress up in a stupid costume with her.

Your natural instinct at the words “couples costume” is probably to run away. But hear me out. Knowing that every girl on campus is secretly longing to have a male counterpart to her “creative but not so creative it’s conservative” costume gives you easy pickings, especially when you can be that male counterpart to a solid number of those single, lonely girls.

At this point of the year, any and all thought about costumes have probably been directed at how to get the optimal amount of embarrassment for your pledges, meaning that you are once again going to scramble for a last-minute, minimal effort costume for yourself. Instead of going for a soccer player or the Dude (again), do any of these to get “cute” pictures with girls and better your chances of getting some tail.


If you were to drink every time you saw a girl dressed as Harley Quinn desperately hoping she looks half as good as Margot Robbie, you’d be dead in the first half hour. Sure, Harley is the Joker’s girl, but the Joker takes effort. If you were willing to put in the effort to get face paint, hair dye, and a purple suit, you probably wouldn’t be reading this. Plus, solid chance only 10% of the girls dressed as her will know the actual plot of Suicide Squad.

You can bypass that effort by picking up a Batman onesie for, like, $40. One stop and your entire costume is done. Plus, the girls get to have snap stories showing how “badass” they are by play fighting with you.

Animal Control

Do you have a polo shirt or even just a T-shirt? Good, you’re halfway there. Write “Animal Control” on the front and purchase a net. Boom. Go out and catch your prey.

“Aliens” Guy

The newer trend among college girls is the alien costume. Trust me on this; any girl who has ever searched DIY Halloween costumes has come across some Alien makeup tutorial and she is desperate to show off her creative skills. Frankly, I don’t really get the trend, but I am sure I will dabble with the idea myself come Halloween weekend. This makes your life very, very easy. All you need is a suit, a tie, fucked up hair, and an “Aliens” sign hanging around your neck.

Sexy Professor

Have you ever been yelled at because a girl is dressed as Britney Spears and not just a school girl, even though her outfit is a school girl uniform? Whether a girl is dressed as a school girl or as Britney dressed as a school girl, she’s looking to entice a fantasy. Again, all this requires is slacks, a tie, a sweater, and glasses. If you do not own glasses yourself, take one from a pledge and pop out the lenses. If you really want to go the extra mile bring a ruler for light spanking.


Us girls love the Jessica Simpson inspired country hoe outfit. It’s lazy and involves daisy dukes. What’s not to love? To counter this, all you need is a flannel, belt, and boots. If you don’t have boots, give up and move on. You can go the extra mile by adding a cowboy hat, but it’s not entirely necessary. Just make sure you have a plain tee under that flannel. You will earn major points by giving her the flannel during the walk home when she is so cold.

Frat Boy

Girls love when guys can make fun of themselves. Throw on your best pastel polo, short shorts, and a “Who do you know here?” sign. You get points for self deprecation. Plus, if it works for you every other weekend of the year, it should work this weekend too, right?

Happy Halloween.

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Blondie is a contributing writer for TSM despite the numerous requests of her termination. She excels at being an underachiever and is currently trying to add an extra year onto her undergrad so she can continue to down $7 bottles of wine in an environment that encourages her erratic behavior. After graduation, she has big plans to flunk out of a prestigious law school. Email her compliments and Netflix suggestions at blue.eyed.blondie.tsm@gmail.com

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