The 2016 squad of English Premier League soccer club Leicester City (pronounced “lester,” as in “my mom won’t let me play outside anymore because Regester the MoLESTER just moved onto the block”) will go down as the single most legendary group of no-names in the history of ever. Before the 2016 Premier League season, sportsbooks had them at 5,000-to-1 odds to take home the league title. 5,000-TO-1! You can get better odds than that taking the Washington Generals moneyline (I would know; that’s been J-Bone’s *clap clap* mega lock of the week every week since 2006. It’ll hit, I swear. Some day…). Against all fictitious and legitimate odds, Leicester went on to win the EPL in what many call the greatest underdog story since Average Joe’s toppled the Purple Cobras.
Fast forward one season and Leicester sucks donkey ass. That’s right — ass ass. They suck so much ass I had to say ass twice. Currently ranked 17 out of the 20 teams in the EPL, Leicester are very firmly in the relegation picture. For those of you who don’t give a shit about soccer, there is a rule in the EPL that if you finish the season as one of the bottom 3 teams, you get “relegated,” meaning bumped down to the league below the Premier League. Last season’s Premier League champion is only a few games away from not even being allowed to compete in the Premier League anymore.
And to make matters worse, they just fired Claudio Ranieri, the legendary, league-winning coach who brought them all their unexpected glory.
wolves foxes ain’t loyal, and now it appears as if they are most fucked.
(Note: I originally called Leicester the wolves on accident because I don’t really give a fuck about LOSER teams)
To get some more insight into this situation, I hit up my brother and TFM’s self-proclaimed Official Chicago Reporter, Jeffrey Borislow, who has a wide array of knowledge about all things Premier League. Here’s what he had to say.
Claudio Ranieri was like the Italian Grandpa I never had. And now he was killed just like my real Italian Grandpa: by a guy named Lester.
Ranieri’s downfall came this season when he decided to honor his Italian roots by telling his team to only score when the clock’s final digit was a 1,3, or 6 so that the fireworks would go off when Mario or Luigi entered the Tiny Castle.
Truly awful commentary, Jeff. To listen to more of Jeff’s idiocy, check out his segment on the latest Inside TFM Podcast. It starts at 22:35, and is almost as bad as the quote you just read.
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