File this under “Things no one believes.”
It’s not that I don’t want to believe that celebrities can be sober. I just know for a fact that they’re not…and the interviews, paparazzi photos, leaked sex tapes, disgruntled personal assistants, vengeful ex-lovers, and E! True Hollywood Stories all confirm that. So, when a famous Hollywood actor, an A-lister since his late teens, a heartthrob, a panty-dropper, a partier, and a man who quite literally made his millions off of playing rich bastards tells us that he’s never done coke, we, the American public, cannot help but let out a giant LOL. Yet, that is what Leonardo DiCaprio is claiming.
Look, I generally try to see the good in celebrities, and by that, I mean that I choose to believe that they’re not coked up, high, and drunk all of the time — just some of the time. I think that most of them know when to snort a line and when to walk the line, because, after all, they have a reputation to uphold. While I believe that most are able to behave like semi-functioning, semi-sober people when the situation arises, I do not believe that this is the norm. I could probably count on my left hand the number of for-real, no joke, “I’m sober” people in Hollywood…and that’s because they have a court order, a pee test, and a wife threatening to divorce them and take all of their money if they fuck it up. Other than that, let’s just go ahead and agree: all celebrities are popping bottles, popping pills, snorting lines, and maybe even shooting up.
Perhaps DiCaprio’s claim of never having done cocaine — ever — wouldn’t be so unbelievable controversial if he hadn’t just conquered the role of a lifetime playing the quaalude-popping, coke-addicted Jordan Belfort. This role, which might finally land Leo his well-deserved Oscar, was so amazing due, in large part, to his drugged up portrayal of The Wolf of Wall Street. Look, I’m not saying that DiCaprio was fucked up for all of it, but I am saying that there’s no way he could’ve done that role justice if he’d never experienced a little powder up the nostrils. Claim what you want, Leo, but we know you’re lying.
[via D Listed]
Image via Four Pins