Let’s Revisit #GentTips, Because You Guys Are Animals
“Look her in the eyes while talking to her. She’ll respect you for it.” – a Gent
“Wear mirrored sunglass lenses when talking to her so you can stare at dem titties. She’ll never know the difference.” – not a Gent
My main man StuffFratPeopleLike hit on this topic a couple years ago, and while I respect his opinion, he had it all wrong. In his column, Here’s a #GentTip, Shut the Fuck Up, he portrayed the #GentTip and the gentlemen who thoughtfully provide them in a negative light. Oh, I’m sorry, SFPL. Like providing free, unsolicited, gentlemanly advice to random dudes on the internet is a bad thing? Like they’re douches or something? Grow up, SFPL. They’re trying to help out the savages of our generation and spread the good word. If chivalry isn’t dead yet, it sure is on its death bed with tubes and hoses coming out of every orifice, and it’s because of people like you. StuffFratPeopleLike, clearly not a gent.
“Dorn, shut up. These cheesedicks are total losers who are just trying to get in girls’ panties by looking all emotional and shit.”
Uh, too bad you’re wrong, asshole. First of all, they’re gents. Gents don’t stoop to levels so low just to get laid. Secondly, how are they gonna get laid by these Twitter chicks if they don’t even know what the gents look like? The accounts are anonymous. Idiot.
They can really let their guards down this way and gentleman the fuuuuck out of some tips.
If you’re unfamiliar with the #GentTip phenomenon, get on Twitter and run a search for the hashtag. You’ll find a bunch of gentlemen offering up tips on, you guessed it, how to be a gentleman. These unsung internet heroes that are posting #GentTips are typically anonymous. That allows them to offer the best gentleman tips without their real names attached. They can really let their guards down this way and gentleman the fuuuuck out of some tips. “Oh, you don’t appreciate my advice, sir? Then talk shit to the headless Twitter avatar I got from a Brooks Brothers catalogue and drag my made up name through the mud. See if I care, pal!” See what I’m saying? Anonymity, it’s essential to delivering the very best #GentTips.
See, it’s hard out there for a gent. This world, especially the one on the internet, is full of rotten, ungentlemanly malcontents that just want to tear others down for their own amusement. They’re not gents; they’re animals. We need more gents.
Let’s say some guy who’s having a shitty day logs onto the internet for some release, a real world outlet to escape the stress of school and what the hell to do with his life after college. Let’s also say that guy is going through a rough patch with the ol’ ball-and-chain. The guy’s struggling, just going through the motions. Maybe he also has an unfortunate affinity for aggressive outbursts of violent behavior when he gets upset. He logs onto the wild world of Twitter, sifts through the endless sea of #blessed and #thestruggleisreal tweets, elevating his stress level near the point of no return, when suddenly, he stumbles upon one of these tweets:
Hold her hand while you’re driving. #GentTip
— Carolina Gentlemen (@SC_Gent) August 10, 2012
Now, instead of expressing his anger toward his girlfriend in the physical manner to which he’s become accustomed, maybe he decides to reach out and hold her while he’s driving to remind her how much she’s appreciated, and that he isn’t going to backhand her from the driver’s seat anymore. Like a gent. Boom. Gent status. And all because Carolina Gentlemen was thoughtful enough to share a few words of gentlemanly encouragement. Good on you, Carolina Gentlemen. Here are some more #GentTips for all you heathens:
When you meet a girls friends, make a real effort to getting to know them as well. Encourage conversation an introduce yourself. #genttip
— Son of a Fratter (@Son_of_Fratter) January 26, 2012
Do you typically ignore your girlfriend’s gal pals after being introduced to them for the first time? Do you refuse to engage them in conversation and carry on as if they aren’t important? Do you look back at them all stone-faced, slack-jawed and hallow-eyed when they speak to you, like a soulless, half-witted mute? Well, if you took the advice of Son of a Fratter — his fratting father must be damn proud of him — you’ll know that’s not the approach a gentleman should take in situations like this. Talk to her friends, man. It’s important to your girl. Bam. Gent status.
Gentleman, make sure she knows she’s the first thing on your mind in the mornin and last thing on it when ya go to sleep. #genttip
— Tex (@HuntinTheSouth) November 27, 2011
Big one right here, guys. Ol’ Tex coming up huge with a #GentTip for all of you, like Stone Cold coming off the top ropes with a flying elbow drop to end all flying elbow drops, just outta nowhere, but also like a gent at the same time. This one’s a deal closer. Fire her a #gent text the instant you wake up. Stay on the phone with her until she falls asleep. Gent status overload.
No matter his age, a gentleman doesn’t let his pants slip below his waist and never exposes his underwear in public. #genttip
— Son of a Fratter (@Son_of_Fratter) December 27, 2011
Are you sagging your pants, bro? Why? Don’t you know a gentleman doesn’t do that? The hell’s wrong with you? We don’t want to see your underwear! From now on, wear your pants around your waist like a respectable member of society, and of course, like a gent. Throw down some scratch for nice slacks and a proper belt, too. Kaboom. Gent status.
You swimming in trim yet? No? Then take Dane’s advice:
Don’t just tell her she’s beautiful. Be specific as to why she’s beautiful. It’ll mean a lot more to her #genttip
— Dane (@SthrnPride1865) November 18, 2011
There it is. Dane’s got to be fighting #SouthernBelles off with a stick. You know they all want a piece of a gent like Dane. I bet this dude even shits like a gent. Probably doesn’t masturbate either. Remember the guys I was discussing earlier who only want to tear down the #GentTip trend and act like savages? Coincidentally, they’re the ones that need to heed #GentTips more than anyone. Well, I found a couple of them:
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not scream, I’m going in dry. #GentTip
— MyKull (@Tweeting_Turd) December 26, 2012
Not a gent.
#GentTip wrestle her to the ground and stick your dirty sock in her mouth.
— Obama is a Cactus (@ObamaIsACactus) June 27, 2012
Definitely not a gent. Y’all motherfuckers need Jesus. Or maybe just more #GentTips.
P.S. To all you headless #GentTippers out there: shut the fuck up. #DornTip
Also by Roger_Dorn
- U of M Pledges Cuffed And Stuffed After Trying To Break Into The Big House
- Sigma Chi Pledge Turns Local News Report Audio Into Badass Hazing House Music
- Hottest Sororities In The United States: Kappa Kappa Gamma, OSU vs. Zeta Tau Alpha, UF
- “Red Lightning” Is FSU’s Ball Boy And He’s Better At His Job Than You’ll Ever Be At Yours
- FIJI Pledges Go Clark W. Griswold On 13-Foot Campus Christmas Tree, Get Busted