WIN A $15K POKER TRIP TO VEGAS FOR YOU AND FOUR FRIENDS
Bovada Poker is holding a video contest giving away $15k Prize Package. You and four friends will be sent to Vegas to play in the WSOP, and Bovada is picking up the tab. CLICK FOR DETAILS »
Dead Toddler Wakes Up at Own Funeral, Asks Dad For Water, Lays Back Down and Dies
But no, seriously, this zombie apocalypse thing is happening. Make no mistake, the next time you see a red mouthed toddler it won't be safe to assume they were eating "spisgetti," so go ahead and put two in their dome. Play time is over.
Science Says Men Are Smarter Than Women, Seriously
You went to Princeton, bitch? Well guess what? I'VE GOT A DICK! So try and find the value of THIS x (*does the X-Pac 'Suck it'*) (*solves an equation*) (*high fives own penis*)
Guy Gets Breast Implants… In His Leg
So the next time a dog humps this guy's leg he'll be getting titty fucked? Awesome.
Patton’s Speech to the 3rd Army
The famous speech by George S. Patton that the opening scene of the movie "Patton" was based on.
High School Try Hards Charged With Paddling Middle Schoolers
My inner monologue while reading this article: "Please don't let this somehow be TFM inspired, please don't mention TFM." I'm just going to go ahead and blame Ben Affleck and his role in Dazed and Confused. When in doubt, blame Ben Affleck.
Did You Know Yogi Berra Fought on D-Day?
I didn't know that. He was on a rocket launcher boat that was about 20 yards off the beach. I have no idea what his job was but I hope he was strafing the Germans with a .50 cal shouting "It ain't over 'til it's over! AND IT'S OVER FOR YOU, YOU NAZI FUCKS!"
The Story of Lefty Brewer: Hot Minor League Prospect and D-Day Casualty
This is a long read but well worth it.
Groom and Groomsman Take a Post Wedding Spin in a Golf Cart… On the Highway
The story says they were driving back to the hotel but I like to think this was a runaway groom scenario executed with the expertise you'd expect after a wedding reception's worth of drinking.
Facebook Wants Kids Under 13 to Join the Social Networking Site
Fine, whatever, just keep them off Twitter. No child should be exposed to you people.
Remember That Horrifically Tan Mom?
Apparently she used to be kinda hot. Now she's more leather than woman, with a vagina that I assume resembles an poorly oiled baseball glove.
It’s Funny When a President Says Bunghole
LBJ orders custom pants so that his knife, money, and nuts can sit properly. He also references his bunghole.
Man Sues Hospital Because Staff Watched Baseball Game Instead of Treating His “Painful Erection”
There's no way this guy has a case, you're not even supposed to seek medical attention until your erection has lasted longer than four innings. (*rimshot*) I'll be here all week folks.
A Show About Hot Chicks in Wheelchairs
I'm honestly posting this just to see what all you sick bastards have to say about it.
The Dumbest Thing You’ll Ever Read About “LAX Bros”
So much bro-age in the news today. I hate the word "bro," but this article is worth reading if only because I'm pretty sure they got their definition of what a bro is verbatim from the skit "Bro Rape."
Something Called “Bros for Obama” Existed on Facebook and Twitter
But it doesn't anymore as of this morning because it became self aware, realized it was the stupidest thing ever created, and imploded into itself.
Guess Who John Rocker WON’T Be Voting For
According to Rocker, the former Braves and Rangers pitcher would rather vote for the devil than Obama. Apparently Rocker is as pleased with Obama's term in office as he is with the driving skills of Japanese women.
