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Zombie Hobo Gets DWI While Driving With His Zebra and Parrot
I'm pretty sure the driver was just relieved that he wasn't the only one who could see the zebra and the parrot.
Would You Like Any Cream With Your Coffee? Sugar? Menstrual Blood?
A presumably disgruntled (or a terrifyingly kinky) Indonesian maid added Aunt Flo's secret ingredient to her employers' coffee. In 100% related news I had to go buy a new keyboard after I threw up all over my old one.
Claude Giroux, Playoffs Points Leader, Playing Beer Pong with Two Broken Wrists and a Playmate
The Playmate, however, is not his. Poor crippled bastard is probably slamming some pedestrian 10 instead.
Tim Tebow is Not a Fan of Naked Ladies
So there really isn't anything new here to report, except that if a naked lady takes a picture with God's (but not Rex Ryan's) chosen quarterback, he'd appreciate it if you wouldn't tweet it.
Samuel L. Jackson as Darth Vader
"What does Emperor Palpatine look like? Does he look like a bitch!?! Then why you tryin' to fuck him like a bitch, Luke?"
6 Movie Bars Where It’d Be Cool to Have a Drink
Coyote Ugly is not on that list, because Coyote Ugly is real... and fucking stupid.
This Season’s 10 Best SNL Sketches
Anyone not familiar with the "Under-Underground Festival" sketches needs to watch all of them immediately.
Some Chick from Mad Men Did Some Lesbian Scenes Once
If it says "lesbian" and "Mad Men" I'm contractually obligated to post it.
Hockey Commentator Thinks Soccer Players are Pussies
When a Canadian thinks you're a bitch, you're probably a bitch.
Nick Kroll and Selena Gomez Spoof “Fifty Shades of Grey” on Funny or Die
I always appreciate a good romance novel spoof.
Documentary About Twin 69 (HA) Year Old Dutch Hookers
I mean, pretty much everything about this is funny, but the fact that they're 69 is the cherry on top of this whore sundae.
Teenagers are Soaking Tampons in Vodka to Get Drunk
Not just girls either, guys are sticking vodka soaked tampons up their b-holes. This is why fraternities haze, because teenagers need to be exorcised of their stupidity.
It’s Official: Louisiana Tech Pikes Burned Down Their House via Indoor Book Burning
Did NONE of you see the first ten minutes of Revenge of the Nerds? Don't start fires inside the fraternity house. Nothing good can come of it.
Man Gets 45 Years in Jail After 5th DWI
I know paying for a cab can be a pain in the ass, but, uh, as far as pains in the ass go, well... you know where I'm going with this.
UT Has a School for Pubes
Because it says PUBIC Affairs!!!! Did they mean PUBLIC? Well they said PUBIC!!!!! HA! PUBES!
Jay Pharoah’s Excellent Stephen A. Smith Impression
"Lebron James has made love to my wife and dear mother."
Women’s Soccer Officially Dead
How any of the owners of these teams didn't punch the league organizer in the face after he followed the sentence "I've got a big financial opportunity for you," with the words "women's soccer," is beyond me.
Mike Leach Shoots and Kills a Bear
Over 7 Feet and over 350 pounds. Craig James will be filing a complaint on behalf of the bear.
Ever Wonder What You Did While Blackout?
I'm buying a pair of these for football season. Wayfarers that record audio and video for 3 hours. They can also stream live video.
