Mailbag: College Freshman Says He’s Leaving A ’10’ Back In High School

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The next installment of everyone’s favorite feature, the Mailbag, brings to light a coming-of-age quandary that some of you, guy or girl, have experienced. It’s the classic “Should I hang onto my high school girlfriend/boyfriend as I embark on the next step in my life, a.k.a. college?” decision. The easy answer, obviously, is just to say “hell no.” I mean, why would someone choose to eat a turkey sandwich every so often when they could be munching down on some prime rib on the reg? And if he tried to sneak off and take a bite of the prime rib behind the sandwich’s back, that turkey on whole wheat is gonna flip shit on him and be all, “You’re such a dick! What’s wrong with you? You tired of my turkey, you asshole?” I’ve seen it. Now sure, that prime rib aims to please, and everyone knows it tastes good, but it’s cheating. And cheating is wrong.

The truth is many factors go into situations like this one. For example, what if they’ve been dating since childhood? Like grew up together and shit? Learned how to drive together? What if your families are close? Swapped spit with each other for the first time? Traded virginity cards? And finally, what if the girl you’re leaving behind in high school is “easily a 10?”

Here’s the email:

Uncle Rodge,

I’ll be a freshman and I move in like 2 days; however, there’s this girl in the class behind me who really likes me. Normally, I’d say absolutely not, but this chick is easily a 10. Should I go for that or just wait and get my first semester out of the way then reconsider at Christmas?

Thanks,

******

It’s time to put an issue to bed that’s been on my mind since I hit puberty, and that’s the definition of a “10.” People throw that out there way too often if you ask me. Registering a 10 on the attractive scale means that person is physically perfect in every area. A 10 means completely flawless. A 10 means there is zero room for improvement. A 10 means there isn’t a thing you would change about the appearance of that person. A 10 is someone like Nina Agdal.

nina-agdal

There are only a handful of 10s on this planet. The number may even be a single digit.

In my opinion, that’s the closest to a 10 that you’ll find walking around on this planet right now. A true dime. And the thing of it is, if someone put a Sharpie in my hand, and a gun to my head, and said to me, “Circle one thing on Nina’s naked body that you would change or I’ll blow your brains out right now,” I could honestly probably find an imperfection or two. Sure, maybe it’s something so minor and insignificant like a mole that would look better if it were moved over a couple inches, or maybe it’s a hidden stretch mark, or a square inch of cellulite, or maybe she has an awry hair on her big toe that stands out. It’s all relative, really, but you see my point. It could be argued that the most attractive person on earth isn’t physically perfect. Let that sink in. Kinda blows the theory of 10s to pieces, doesn’t it?

Having said that, Nina is still about as good as it gets, and because of that, she registers a 10. She’s so, so rare, though. I legitimately believe there are only a handful of 10s on this planet. The number may even be a single digit. And there damn sure aren’t any 10s strutting their asses up and down high school hallways. Can you imagine, as a 16-year-old little pervert, walking through your high school hallways and you spot a girl the caliber of Nina Agdal pulling her Algebra book out of a locker. Have mercy! That’s a lot of high school boners walking around, and no one’s getting any learning done in an environment like that.

So, back to our boy — being the tough critic that I am, I naturally fired back at him.

Me: Easily a 10? Yeah right.

Him: You’re right, thanks.

Me: Show me a pic.

He sent me a pic (not shown), and just as I suspected, she is not a 10. She’s not close to a 10, and I feel comfortable saying that, because I don’t feel that it’s rude. It’s just that very few women are close to a 10. She’s not causing any spontaneous high school hallway boners, I’m sorry to say. She’s a pretty girl and everything, but let’s tap the brakes, man.

Finally, it’s time to answer your question. Unless the high school girl you have a chance at looks like Nina Agdal, don’t be an idiot. Move on, bro.

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