Mailbag: Future UGA Student Wants To Fight His Little Brother For Being Frat

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Nice Move

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The HS fratstar phenomenon has been thoroughly documented on this site (here, here, here, here, and here). I’ve received countless Mailbag questions about this topic, and while I can’t saturate the site with constant HS fratstar commentary, it’s been a while since we’ve discussed it, plus this question was pretty unique. To my knowledge, it’s the first question I’ve received about a HS fratstar from a HS fratstar.

Two brothers in high school, a senior and a freshman, have taken to the fraternity lifestyle, although one academic tier sooner than appropriate. The elder is concerned for his little brother. He believes he’s taking the frat culture thing too far–he mentions Sperrys, a seersucker blazer, Chubbies, “the whole nine yards.” The kid’s only, what, 15? It’s a little much. Big Brother wants to put an abrupt stop to this runaway freight train of pastel polos before it completely derails, so much so that he’s even considering the method of violent physical assault.

Here’s the email:

Dear Uncle Rodge,

I am a senior at a high school in Georgia, heading off to UGA next year to hit some fine southern girl ass, and of course, frat my ever living balls off, and my little brother, who is a freshman now, is starting to call himself “frat”, starting to dress like an absolute try hard, I mean I’m talking seersucker blazer, hand-me-down American flag chubbies, because those are fucking gay, middle school sperry’s, the whole 9 yards. The conflict here, sir Dorn, is that I want to beat the shit out of him because it’s so damn annoying, but he’s my little brother, ya know? I don’t want to crush his little heart so much that he becomes the worst thing you can be, (you know, Bacon). So I was just wondering, what should I do? What should I say to him?

Thanks Dorno,
*******

PS- if I ever see you in Athens, prepare to get speared.

Do we all see what’s going on here? It’s plain to see, isn’t it? The key phrase in the email is “hand-me-down American flag Chubbies.” “Hand-me-down” of course implies the Chubbies once belonged to our emailer. This guy is three years his brother’s senior. Naturally, the youngster is going to take after Big Brother, because that’s what boys do. He’s acting like a “HS fratstar” because Big Brother is one. Our emailer is in denial. He has only himself to blame.

P.S. If I ever run into you in Athens and you try to spear me, I will sidestep you while simultaneously sticking my foot out to trip you. Once you’re on the ground, I’ll pin you down, rub your face in the dirt, give you a wedgie in front of your crew, then I’ll take your Sperrys right off your feet and toss them on the nearest rooftop.

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