Mailbag: When Is It Okay To Use The Word “Frat”?

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During my daily search for relevant news stories to share with you all, I’ve noticed a trend: many news outlets — from informal, lowbrow blogs all the way up to established publications — use the word “frat” in lieu of its formal spelling when reporting. They use it in headlines and in the bodies below them. I don’t know if this is interesting or not, but I thought it was at least worth sharing considering the context here. It’s obvious that “frat” has been a mainstream word for many years, but it caught my eye that it was so regularly used in actual writing.

“Frat Bro Falls Off Frat Balcony, Currently in ICU”

I’ve actually seen headlines very similar to this, and after reading the articles below them, they turned out to be completely sincere, save a low fruit-hanging “bro” joke throw-in here or there. They’ve accepted the word as common vernacular, proper shorthand for “fraternity.” It’s normal usage to them.

See, they don’t get it. Do you get it? Do you understand the difference between “frat” and “fraternity”? Do you know when it’s okay to use the former? Do you say it regularly? In real conversation? Do you even give a shit?

The below emailer does. In this edition of the Mailbag, he expresses his desire for all of you “clit-licking fucksticks” to stop overusing the word “frat.” He’s pretty serious about it, too.

Dear Dorn,

First off, fuck you.

Secondly, I would like to address an issue that plagues the United States nationwide. This issue, of course, would be the misuse of the word, “frat.” This word has carried a negative connotation nationwide for years. The word, “frat,” is conceived to be immature and demeaning to the top 1% that the fraternity man claims to be. This of course raises the question, when is it acceptable to say frat?

If you are some muff munching srat star who has to announce at the bar that she’s going to a frat party, then that’s acceptable (only on the assumption that she’s blacked out).

At all other times of the day, no matter the occasion or level of inebriation, don’t say frat. It reminds people of the media articles that claim, “FRAT pledge dies from excessive hazing!” or my personal favorite, “FRAT buttchuggers run rampant terrorizing innocent civilians!” (Both hypothetical titles).

I pray to the fucking lord that I can shed some light to you clit-licking fucksticks to stop over-using the word frat to refer to your dick as a “frat hammer.”

Lastly, I hope my grammar and content was good enough for you Dorn. Either way, rot in hell or go fuck your mother.

Sincerely,
**** *****

First off, fuck you right back. You’re a foul-mouthed asshole that wasn’t hazed hard enough.

Secondly, could you be more dramatic? “Plagues the United States nationwide…” Get a grip, man. Losing your cool like this is not very frat of you. The U.S. is going to keep on trucking as it always has, no matter if that word is wiped clean off the face of the planet or not.

Thirdly, I need a link to these “muff munching srat stars” you speak of, and I need it right now. Shit sounds wild.

Now, let’s answer the question. The word “frat” should never be used with even the slightest sense of sincerity. This is common knowledge among the right circles, and it should be common knowledge for anyone who has ever set foot inside a fraternity house. That’s really all there is to it. Take a look at these two uses of the word as examples:

“My little brother is going off to college in the fall. He dresses pretty preppy. I’ll bet you anything he ends up joining a frat.” And this one: “Did you see Dozer this morning? You missed a hell of a scene. That asshole walked downstairs butt ass naked, just crank out in full view and everything. While naked, he made a bowl of Cheerios as big as my head, then walked back upstairs, all without saying a word. There were like five people that saw him, including Meredith and her friend who crashed here last night. God, that guy’s frat.” The first use of “frat” = not frat. The second one = so frat. It’s to be used jokingly, and not to be overused. I mean, how else could you describe Dozer’s actions in that situation?

Finally, I’d like to address this sentence: “Lastly, I hope my grammar and content was good enough for you Dorn.”

It wasn’t, pal. You used “was” incorrectly. “Were” would have been the proper usage there, because “grammar and content” are two things, meaning the subject in your sentence is plural. Also, don’t forget to use a comma when addressing someone. You left out a comma after “you” and before “Dorn.” Example: Thanks for writing me, asshole. Don’t ever do it again.

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