Man Arrested For Fellating a Dildo While Driving

Email this to a friend

Nice Move

Would this technically be a distracted driving violation?

Last Wednesday, a 30-year-old Minnesota woman was sitting at a crowded St. Paul bus stop when a man in a red truck pulled up in front of her. As the light turned green, the man sat parked in his vehicle obstructing traffic while several cars behind him honked their horns in frustration. The woman at the bus stop became concerned and looked into the window of the truck to see if everything was alright. She immediately noticed the driver – a Caucasian male, approximately 45-years old – passionately “performing oral sex on a white dildo.”

The woman immediately called the police and the vehicle was pulled over shortly thereafter. When police searched the interior of the truck, they found the white marital aid that the driver – Brian Wutschke of Farmington – was fellating tucked under his flannel shirt. The officers also noted that they found several pairs of women’s panties strewn about the cabin of the vehicle, including a pair tied around the rear-view mirror, as well as the gear shift.

But the best was yet to come.

When officers performed a pat-down of the “waistline area,” they felt something vibrating. Wutschke informed the officers that he had a pleasure device inserted inside of him and that was the cause of the vibration.

The officers indicated that when they were driving Wutschke to jail, they could hear the sex toy still vibrating on the plastic seats of their car. The officers removed the device as they were booking him but no one wanted to turn it off, so they just let the batteries die.

Wutschke was booked on suspicion of two “gross misdemeanors,” indecent exposure and obscene materials and performance.

It would seem that Wutschke had himself quite a Wednesday. As I was wasting the prime of my life crammed in a small windowless office, Wutschke was out seizing the day (#YOLO). And if he was on the clock while this perverse sexual dalliance occurred, well then my man Wutschke just took the ‘work-jerk’ to a whole new level — and the bar has been set pretty high, my friends.

Email this to a friend

Nice Move

Comments

You must be logged in to comment. Log in or create an account.